Over the last the 2 1/2 years I have poured passion into this blog to figure out how I want to influence and transform the way we live on this planet. It started with the invention of the word recipronomics and The First Law of Recipronomics. It unfolded to musings on the environmental and social impact of our lifestyles ranging from the companies that make stuff and the way we structure them to trends, and (r)Evolution. There are thoughts on business and thoughts on the human condition from different perspectives with ideas to improve the situation.
A fun team building activity got a lot of attention. Somehow obscure terms like resonance made their way into the mix with some sad humor and random connections. The power and perils of declarations stood by taking a stand and a plea for respect with a little advice.
Postings got deeply personal with dreams, visions, nightmares, prayers and the most popular transformative adventure! There was heart break, yearning , romance, and dance.
Now the time has come to move right along to my new venture where I will pour the same passion into my new site, LeadershipSadhana.com and continuation of this quest.
Thank you for your participation on this journey. I am unbelievably honored for your contribution. Please join me in the next stage of (r)Evolution.
Monday, August 29, 2011
Monday, July 11, 2011
Dancing in Relationship, Recovery for Tough Chicks
This weekend I danced with a partner - a real, live flesh and blood partner. In a club no less. It was a bit of a head trip. I haven't danced in a club since my party like a rockstar days. I didn't know what to wear, where to go, how to navigate... hello outside edge of my comfort zone.
I have been on a warrior's path since I can remember. Adventure beyond belief has graced my footsteps. I have traveled the human experience both externally and internally in a way few others are drawn. I have chosen to meet life on my terms, in my way, by myself.
The warrior's path is often lonely. Loneliness has been a price I am willing to pay for freedom and my quest for Truth. My physical body now asks me to explore a new way of being. Community, partnership, relatedness. All of these things confuse me.
Truth be told, I didn't think I would enjoy getting down with another body so close to me. In the last decade the few partner dancing situations I have encountered have felt heavy, like a wet blanket dropped on my dancing soul. My date blew my mind, as he loves to do. He's got rhythm, he's got style. I don't know how to follow.
As I relaxed a little I found myself getting into a groove. Over the night I never really got fully into my groove. I don't know my groove with another. I had a great time trying. I have to remember I'm learning a new skill - it takes time.
Dance is a great metaphor for life, especially for me since dance is my spiritual practice, where I come Home to mySelf. I suspect a lot of partner dancing will teach me to navigate this new era of belonging.
I have been on a warrior's path since I can remember. Adventure beyond belief has graced my footsteps. I have traveled the human experience both externally and internally in a way few others are drawn. I have chosen to meet life on my terms, in my way, by myself.
The warrior's path is often lonely. Loneliness has been a price I am willing to pay for freedom and my quest for Truth. My physical body now asks me to explore a new way of being. Community, partnership, relatedness. All of these things confuse me.
Truth be told, I didn't think I would enjoy getting down with another body so close to me. In the last decade the few partner dancing situations I have encountered have felt heavy, like a wet blanket dropped on my dancing soul. My date blew my mind, as he loves to do. He's got rhythm, he's got style. I don't know how to follow.
As I relaxed a little I found myself getting into a groove. Over the night I never really got fully into my groove. I don't know my groove with another. I had a great time trying. I have to remember I'm learning a new skill - it takes time.
Dance is a great metaphor for life, especially for me since dance is my spiritual practice, where I come Home to mySelf. I suspect a lot of partner dancing will teach me to navigate this new era of belonging.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Surrender and Fear of Commitment
Several years ago, without knowing it, I committed to my life being a Spiritual Journey. Taking this step is one of many fortuitous accidents that continue to shape me. As a seeker I am part of several communities - ones I never fully commit to. My dance with community and humanity is asking to be explored. It is one that confounds me. As a person with serious commitment issues I anticipate this will be a curious journey over the next few years.
I am deeply and wholeheartedly committed to my development as a human being. There is nothing else I can trust with no doubt to commit to. Deep in the recesses of my heart I yearn to belong in the fabric of humanity. It is something that calls me, for my development and my contribution. Through my inner travels I have felt myself fully integrated in the natural world, woven into the thread of all existence. I KNOW in every cell of my Being I am a part of the fabric of life.
Fractured in my experience that doesn't translate to people. I trust rattlesnakes more than people - you always know what to expect with a rattlesnake! There are a lot of practical reasons for this with my history... and some lesson I don't yet know how to learn (stay tuned).
In many Spiritual Traditions surrender to a teacher is part of the process. Being who I am I doubt I will ever surrender to a human teacher (other than possibly a lover) in that way. Teachers are first and foremost human, and therefore fallible. For me to surrender I need a bigger holding environment. In my journey, at this point in time, Life herself is the teacher, the lesson and the gift of practice.
A poem I wrote in May on an experience of surrender - I recognized that a decade of dating addicts was a sign of my lack of trust for Life to provide what I really want in a partner: a Spiritual Warrior who can be Present. My surrender in the end lead to progress on my quest.
How the Light Got In (homage to Leonard Cohen)
I feel like a junkie
With my bad boy lust,
Insatiable hunger
for an adrenaline rush.
Arousal or fear?
I can’t tell the difference
It’s an addicts’ high
Compulsively I seek it.
Life on the razor’s edge, bleeding
The only way I feel a thing
The ritual seduction
with trembling desire:
Cocaine
Whips, chains
The pleasure of pain.
EVERY high ends with a crash
In unfillable emptiness
Left in his wake.
I see him in strangers
Who look nothing like him.
His hungry, strung out eyes
Haunting me
For seven years.
His love playful, generous
Accepting the wild child
more often judged.
He forgot one small thing-
His family.
Etched in my body memory
His head on my chest
“so sorry” for life
That wasn’t meant to be.
Seduced, discarded, dismissed.
Coldplay serenaded the break-up
Renegotiated several times over four years,
Not a sober day among them.
Thin white lines drew me from narcotized sleep
To the sharp, intrusive day
With an emptiness so vast not 100 bodies could fill.
Frequent, intense, fear, pain
A brain wired for addiction by violence
Adrenaline, dopamine
The cycle repeats
With felons and addicts filling the beats
A new face, a new story
A new visit to the empty well.
Seduced, discarded, dismissed.
Heroin his solace,
His imprisonment my salvation,
Recovery my quest.
Cocaine dropped in an instant
With one jarring image.
Addiction to criminal addicts
a longer journey that brings me
defeated and humbled to
Resonance
in a room full of equally broken souls.
God – grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Pathologically self-reliant.
Trust?
Fuck.
I would rather walk
Through burning forests
Slaying dragons
With one long sword.
Pathologically self-reliant.
Hot, wet tears stain my skin
with the discovery
I will be in recovery
For the rest of my life.
Please God, is there another way?
Her lips curve in a knowing smile.
She repeats. Trust.
On my knees, where I never go, pleading.
You know I will DO anything.
If I can just DO something,
I’ve got ninja skills.
Then Trust.
Give me something else I scream
Fists ready for a fight.
I have. Now Trust.
Helpless, a tear laced confession,
“I don’t know how”
In that breath peace washes over me.
Surrender. There’s trust.
I am deeply and wholeheartedly committed to my development as a human being. There is nothing else I can trust with no doubt to commit to. Deep in the recesses of my heart I yearn to belong in the fabric of humanity. It is something that calls me, for my development and my contribution. Through my inner travels I have felt myself fully integrated in the natural world, woven into the thread of all existence. I KNOW in every cell of my Being I am a part of the fabric of life.
Fractured in my experience that doesn't translate to people. I trust rattlesnakes more than people - you always know what to expect with a rattlesnake! There are a lot of practical reasons for this with my history... and some lesson I don't yet know how to learn (stay tuned).
In many Spiritual Traditions surrender to a teacher is part of the process. Being who I am I doubt I will ever surrender to a human teacher (other than possibly a lover) in that way. Teachers are first and foremost human, and therefore fallible. For me to surrender I need a bigger holding environment. In my journey, at this point in time, Life herself is the teacher, the lesson and the gift of practice.
A poem I wrote in May on an experience of surrender - I recognized that a decade of dating addicts was a sign of my lack of trust for Life to provide what I really want in a partner: a Spiritual Warrior who can be Present. My surrender in the end lead to progress on my quest.
How the Light Got In (homage to Leonard Cohen)
I feel like a junkie
With my bad boy lust,
Insatiable hunger
for an adrenaline rush.
Arousal or fear?
I can’t tell the difference
It’s an addicts’ high
Compulsively I seek it.
Life on the razor’s edge, bleeding
The only way I feel a thing
The ritual seduction
with trembling desire:
Cocaine
Whips, chains
The pleasure of pain.
EVERY high ends with a crash
In unfillable emptiness
Left in his wake.
I see him in strangers
Who look nothing like him.
His hungry, strung out eyes
Haunting me
For seven years.
His love playful, generous
Accepting the wild child
more often judged.
He forgot one small thing-
His family.
Etched in my body memory
His head on my chest
“so sorry” for life
That wasn’t meant to be.
Seduced, discarded, dismissed.
Coldplay serenaded the break-up
Renegotiated several times over four years,
Not a sober day among them.
Thin white lines drew me from narcotized sleep
To the sharp, intrusive day
With an emptiness so vast not 100 bodies could fill.
Frequent, intense, fear, pain
A brain wired for addiction by violence
Adrenaline, dopamine
The cycle repeats
With felons and addicts filling the beats
A new face, a new story
A new visit to the empty well.
Seduced, discarded, dismissed.
Heroin his solace,
His imprisonment my salvation,
Recovery my quest.
Cocaine dropped in an instant
With one jarring image.
Addiction to criminal addicts
a longer journey that brings me
defeated and humbled to
Resonance
in a room full of equally broken souls.
God – grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Pathologically self-reliant.
Trust?
Fuck.
I would rather walk
Through burning forests
Slaying dragons
With one long sword.
Pathologically self-reliant.
Hot, wet tears stain my skin
with the discovery
I will be in recovery
For the rest of my life.
Please God, is there another way?
Her lips curve in a knowing smile.
She repeats. Trust.
On my knees, where I never go, pleading.
You know I will DO anything.
If I can just DO something,
I’ve got ninja skills.
Then Trust.
Give me something else I scream
Fists ready for a fight.
I have. Now Trust.
Helpless, a tear laced confession,
“I don’t know how”
In that breath peace washes over me.
Surrender. There’s trust.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
YOU will soon witness a Miracle
This treasure of a fortune cookie graces my desk. I read it everyday. Generously these words invite my mind open in anticipation.
In the few weeks this has been my quest I have witnessed at least 3 - healing, love and dreams in magic.
Passing the love to you. You will soon witness a miracle. Watch for it.
In the few weeks this has been my quest I have witnessed at least 3 - healing, love and dreams in magic.
Passing the love to you. You will soon witness a miracle. Watch for it.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
The Economics of Recipronomics
In the beginning of time, at least in terms of this blog, there was the first law of recipronomics... and it was good.
I haven't addressed much of the economics of recipronomics or the economics of anything lately. It's kind of boring. Over the last 2+ years of gathering random thoughts in this cyber-cafe I have undergone some pretty hefty personal transformations. With a wandering career path through technology, entertainment and entrepreneurship I am now in an enviable position - Sr. Analyst in the most dynamic division of the leading outdoor eCommerce retailer. Yawn! I'm more interested in the people... in reciprocal relationships and dynamic reciprocity - ENERGY.
I started business school with an interest in people. My undergraduate degree is in humanities with insight into the social impact of public policy and U.S. corporate interests in the developing world. As you can imagine, I wasn't ready to swallow teachings from the pulpit of capitalism without understanding the social impact. You can imagine how unpopular my comments were in class.
The thing is, doing the right thing is profitable. It may not be in the short-term but in the long-term it always is. I have watched time and again decisions that make sense on paper be incredibly costly because of lack of respect for the people involved. It Always costs more in the end - both in terms of money and people. At the end of the day it's all about people anyway, isn't it? It's the reason for business, for innovation, for evolution... to make it better for PEOPLE.
I love to look into someone's eyes and say, "you can do it!" and watch them do something they never imagined possible. That's what business is about for me. That's my meaning of life, for today.
I haven't addressed much of the economics of recipronomics or the economics of anything lately. It's kind of boring. Over the last 2+ years of gathering random thoughts in this cyber-cafe I have undergone some pretty hefty personal transformations. With a wandering career path through technology, entertainment and entrepreneurship I am now in an enviable position - Sr. Analyst in the most dynamic division of the leading outdoor eCommerce retailer. Yawn! I'm more interested in the people... in reciprocal relationships and dynamic reciprocity - ENERGY.
I started business school with an interest in people. My undergraduate degree is in humanities with insight into the social impact of public policy and U.S. corporate interests in the developing world. As you can imagine, I wasn't ready to swallow teachings from the pulpit of capitalism without understanding the social impact. You can imagine how unpopular my comments were in class.
The thing is, doing the right thing is profitable. It may not be in the short-term but in the long-term it always is. I have watched time and again decisions that make sense on paper be incredibly costly because of lack of respect for the people involved. It Always costs more in the end - both in terms of money and people. At the end of the day it's all about people anyway, isn't it? It's the reason for business, for innovation, for evolution... to make it better for PEOPLE.
I love to look into someone's eyes and say, "you can do it!" and watch them do something they never imagined possible. That's what business is about for me. That's my meaning of life, for today.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
I Got You
Last night was my first climb with a new partner. A lot of learning happens when you trust a near stranger with your life. As he got ready for his first route he looked me in the eyes, smiled a heart-meltingly beautiful smiled and asked, "Can I trust you? (and referring to my belay device) Do you know how to use that thing?"
"I Got You"
When you go out on a limb you want to know that someone's got the other end of your rope. The words "I got you" resonate warmly in my heart. I feel so crazy held that it opens my possibility to extend past my comfort zone to G-R-O-W, which is what I'm all about. In those three words I feel love, trust from the voice that speaks them and somehow arousal.
I sense this season has a lot of "I Got You"'s in store for me. I hope for you too.
I Got You. Get after it!
"I Got You"
When you go out on a limb you want to know that someone's got the other end of your rope. The words "I got you" resonate warmly in my heart. I feel so crazy held that it opens my possibility to extend past my comfort zone to G-R-O-W, which is what I'm all about. In those three words I feel love, trust from the voice that speaks them and somehow arousal.
I sense this season has a lot of "I Got You"'s in store for me. I hope for you too.
I Got You. Get after it!
Keen Body Awareness is a Double-Edged Sword
I'll start with a confession: I occasionally smoke cigarettes. If you know me this will probably shock you, if you don't and you know my yoga tendencies and health freakishness this will probably shock you as well.
So why do it?
Anxiety. I was blessed with an over-active nervous system which gets me out doing adventurous things... and gives me overwhelming anxiety when I am bound to a desk, bored, lonely or going through a major life change.
At my last Diamond Approach weekend I shared this unusual smokin' tidbit about myself and one of the older ladies in the group (I am the youngest by a generation) said, "why don't you question what the anxiety is about instead of smoking?"
"Well, I smoke a couple of cigarettes every several years so I'm not too worried about it. You don't think I spend every waking moment questioning? That's what I do. 2000 hours of formal training over the last several years means I've got a highly honed skill. Sometimes is best to just let it go and thank the chemicals for their assistance."
As I watch my body rage an autoimmune disorder battle I weep from my tailbone to my toes and through the pores of my skin. Sometimes I compassionately numb the trembling with a cigarette and when I'm lucky with a hug or loving massage. When I experience betrayal I tremble all the way through my Being in the same way, pierced to the core. The double-edged sword is that I no longer have the power to repress or hide from the darkness. This means I experience it and the freedom encapsulated in the process.
The gift in feeling the pain so intensely is that I learn to make decisions that honor me while I yearn for deep, rich connection.
And -
When I watch the sun set or enjoy the company of someone dear to me who is Present as well it is one of the richest blessings you can imagine. I feel the love and beauty permeate through my very Being. I vibrate with the ferocious intensity of Life.
In that I have the opportunity to mirror it back to You. If you have the courage, I invite you to come with me on the road less traveled - you will be more alive and more connected than you could imagine. It's only hard 'cause it's worth it.
So why do it?
Anxiety. I was blessed with an over-active nervous system which gets me out doing adventurous things... and gives me overwhelming anxiety when I am bound to a desk, bored, lonely or going through a major life change.
At my last Diamond Approach weekend I shared this unusual smokin' tidbit about myself and one of the older ladies in the group (I am the youngest by a generation) said, "why don't you question what the anxiety is about instead of smoking?"
"Well, I smoke a couple of cigarettes every several years so I'm not too worried about it. You don't think I spend every waking moment questioning? That's what I do. 2000 hours of formal training over the last several years means I've got a highly honed skill. Sometimes is best to just let it go and thank the chemicals for their assistance."
As I watch my body rage an autoimmune disorder battle I weep from my tailbone to my toes and through the pores of my skin. Sometimes I compassionately numb the trembling with a cigarette and when I'm lucky with a hug or loving massage. When I experience betrayal I tremble all the way through my Being in the same way, pierced to the core. The double-edged sword is that I no longer have the power to repress or hide from the darkness. This means I experience it and the freedom encapsulated in the process.
The gift in feeling the pain so intensely is that I learn to make decisions that honor me while I yearn for deep, rich connection.
And -
When I watch the sun set or enjoy the company of someone dear to me who is Present as well it is one of the richest blessings you can imagine. I feel the love and beauty permeate through my very Being. I vibrate with the ferocious intensity of Life.
In that I have the opportunity to mirror it back to You. If you have the courage, I invite you to come with me on the road less traveled - you will be more alive and more connected than you could imagine. It's only hard 'cause it's worth it.
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