living deep

Moving Right Along...

2011-08-29T21:01:00.000-07:00

Over the last the 2 1/2 years I have poured passion into this blog to figure out how I want to influence and transform the way we live on this planet. It started with the invention of the word recipronomics and The First Law of Recipronomics. It unfolded to musings on the environmental and social impact of our lifestyles ranging from the companies that make stuff and the way we structure them to trends, and (r)Evolution. There are thoughts on business and thoughts on the human condition from different perspectives with ideas to improve the situation.

A fun team building activity got a lot of attention. Somehow obscure terms like resonance made their way into the mix with some sad humor and random connections. The power and perils of declarations stood by taking a stand and a plea for respect with a little advice.

Postings got deeply personal with dreams, visions, nightmares, prayers and the most popular transformative adventure! There was heart break, yearning , romance, and dance.

Now the time has come to move right along to my new venture where I will pour the same passion into my new site, LeadershipSadhana.com and continuation of this quest.

Thank you for your participation on this journey. I am unbelievably honored for your contribution. Please join me in the next stage of (r)Evolution.

Dancing in Relationship, Recovery for Tough Chicks

2011-07-11T16:09:00.000-07:00

This weekend I danced with a partner - a real, live flesh and blood partner. In a club no less. It was a bit of a head trip. I haven't danced in a club since my party like a rockstar days. I didn't know what to wear, where to go, how to navigate... hello outside edge of my comfort zone.

I have been on a warrior's path since I can remember. Adventure beyond belief has graced my footsteps. I have traveled the human experience both externally and internally in a way few others are drawn. I have chosen to meet life on my terms, in my way, by myself.

The warrior's path is often lonely. Loneliness has been a price I am willing to pay for freedom and my quest for Truth. My physical body now asks me to explore a new way of being. Community, partnership, relatedness. All of these things confuse me.

Truth be told, I didn't think I would enjoy getting down with another body so close to me. In the last decade the few partner dancing situations I have encountered have felt heavy, like a wet blanket dropped on my dancing soul. My date blew my mind, as he loves to do. He's got rhythm, he's got style. I don't know how to follow.

As I relaxed a little I found myself getting into a groove. Over the night I never really got fully into my groove. I don't know my groove with another. I had a great time trying. I have to remember I'm learning a new skill - it takes time.

Dance is a great metaphor for life, especially for me since dance is my spiritual practice, where I come Home to mySelf. I suspect a lot of partner dancing will teach me to navigate this new era of belonging.

Surrender and Fear of Commitment

2011-07-09T21:58:00.001-07:00

Several years ago, without knowing it, I committed to my life being a Spiritual Journey. Taking this step is one of many fortuitous accidents that continue to shape me. As a seeker I am part of several communities - ones I never fully commit to. My dance with community and humanity is asking to be explored. It is one that confounds me. As a person with serious commitment issues I anticipate this will be a curious journey over the next few years.

I am deeply and wholeheartedly committed to my development as a human being. There is nothing else I can trust with no doubt to commit to. Deep in the recesses of my heart I yearn to belong in the fabric of humanity. It is something that calls me, for my development and my contribution. Through my inner travels I have felt myself fully integrated in the natural world, woven into the thread of all existence. I KNOW in every cell of my Being I am a part of the fabric of life.

Fractured in my experience that doesn't translate to people. I trust rattlesnakes more than people - you always know what to expect with a rattlesnake! There are a lot of practical reasons for this with my history... and some lesson I don't yet know how to learn (stay tuned).

In many Spiritual Traditions surrender to a teacher is part of the process. Being who I am I doubt I will ever surrender to a human teacher (other than possibly a lover) in that way. Teachers are first and foremost human, and therefore fallible. For me to surrender I need a bigger holding environment. In my journey, at this point in time, Life herself is the teacher, the lesson and the gift of practice.

A poem I wrote in May on an experience of surrender - I recognized that a decade of dating addicts was a sign of my lack of trust for Life to provide what I really want in a partner: a Spiritual Warrior who can be Present. My surrender in the end lead to progress on my quest.

How the Light Got In (homage to Leonard Cohen)

I feel like a junkie
With my bad boy lust,
Insatiable hunger
for an adrenaline rush.
Arousal or fear?
I can’t tell the difference
It’s an addicts’ high
Compulsively I seek it.

Life on the razor’s edge, bleeding
The only way I feel a thing
The ritual seduction
with trembling desire:
Cocaine
Whips, chains
The pleasure of pain.
EVERY high ends with a crash
In unfillable emptiness
Left in his wake.

I see him in strangers
Who look nothing like him.
His hungry, strung out eyes
Haunting me
For seven years.
His love playful, generous
Accepting the wild child
more often judged.
He forgot one small thing-
His family.
Etched in my body memory
His head on my chest
“so sorry” for life
That wasn’t meant to be.
Seduced, discarded, dismissed.

Coldplay serenaded the break-up
Renegotiated several times over four years,
Not a sober day among them.
Thin white lines drew me from narcotized sleep
To the sharp, intrusive day
With an emptiness so vast not 100 bodies could fill.
Frequent, intense, fear, pain
A brain wired for addiction by violence
Adrenaline, dopamine
The cycle repeats
With felons and addicts filling the beats
A new face, a new story
A new visit to the empty well.
Seduced, discarded, dismissed.

Heroin his solace,
His imprisonment my salvation,
Recovery my quest.
Cocaine dropped in an instant
With one jarring image.
Addiction to criminal addicts
a longer journey that brings me
defeated and humbled to
Resonance
in a room full of equally broken souls.
God – grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change
the courage to change the things I can
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Pathologically self-reliant.
Trust?
Fuck.
I would rather walk
Through burning forests
Slaying dragons
With one long sword.
Pathologically self-reliant.
Hot, wet tears stain my skin
with the discovery
I will be in recovery
For the rest of my life.

Please God, is there another way?
Her lips curve in a knowing smile.
She repeats. Trust.
On my knees, where I never go, pleading.
You know I will DO anything.
If I can just DO something,
I’ve got ninja skills.
Then Trust.
Give me something else I scream
Fists ready for a fight.
I have. Now Trust.
Helpless, a tear laced confession,
“I don’t know how”
In that breath peace washes over me.
Surrender. There’s trust.

YOU will soon witness a Miracle

2011-05-17T15:42:00.000-07:00

This treasure of a fortune cookie graces my desk. I read it everyday. Generously these words invite my mind open in anticipation.

In the few weeks this has been my quest I have witnessed at least 3 - healing, love and dreams in magic.

Passing the love to you. You will soon witness a miracle. Watch for it.

The Economics of Recipronomics

2011-05-10T16:14:00.000-07:00

In the beginning of time, at least in terms of this blog, there was the first law of recipronomics... and it was good.

I haven't addressed much of the economics of recipronomics or the economics of anything lately. It's kind of boring. Over the last 2+ years of gathering random thoughts in this cyber-cafe I have undergone some pretty hefty personal transformations. With a wandering career path through technology, entertainment and entrepreneurship I am now in an enviable position - Sr. Analyst in the most dynamic division of the leading outdoor eCommerce retailer. Yawn! I'm more interested in the people... in reciprocal relationships and dynamic reciprocity - ENERGY.

I started business school with an interest in people. My undergraduate degree is in humanities with insight into the social impact of public policy and U.S. corporate interests in the developing world. As you can imagine, I wasn't ready to swallow teachings from the pulpit of capitalism without understanding the social impact. You can imagine how unpopular my comments were in class.

The thing is, doing the right thing is profitable. It may not be in the short-term but in the long-term it always is. I have watched time and again decisions that make sense on paper be incredibly costly because of lack of respect for the people involved. It Always costs more in the end - both in terms of money and people. At the end of the day it's all about people anyway, isn't it? It's the reason for business, for innovation, for evolution... to make it better for PEOPLE.

I love to look into someone's eyes and say, "you can do it!" and watch them do something they never imagined possible. That's what business is about for me. That's my meaning of life, for today.

I Got You

2011-04-27T20:10:00.000-07:00

Last night was my first climb with a new partner. A lot of learning happens when you trust a near stranger with your life. As he got ready for his first route he looked me in the eyes, smiled a heart-meltingly beautiful smiled and asked, "Can I trust you? (and referring to my belay device) Do you know how to use that thing?"

"I Got You"

When you go out on a limb you want to know that someone's got the other end of your rope. The words "I got you" resonate warmly in my heart. I feel so crazy held that it opens my possibility to extend past my comfort zone to G-R-O-W, which is what I'm all about. In those three words I feel love, trust from the voice that speaks them and somehow arousal.

I sense this season has a lot of "I Got You"'s in store for me. I hope for you too.

I Got You. Get after it!

Keen Body Awareness is a Double-Edged Sword

2011-04-27T20:03:00.000-07:00

I'll start with a confession: I occasionally smoke cigarettes. If you know me this will probably shock you, if you don't and you know my yoga tendencies and health freakishness this will probably shock you as well.

So why do it?

Anxiety. I was blessed with an over-active nervous system which gets me out doing adventurous things... and gives me overwhelming anxiety when I am bound to a desk, bored, lonely or going through a major life change.

At my last Diamond Approach weekend I shared this unusual smokin' tidbit about myself and one of the older ladies in the group (I am the youngest by a generation) said, "why don't you question what the anxiety is about instead of smoking?"

"Well, I smoke a couple of cigarettes every several years so I'm not too worried about it. You don't think I spend every waking moment questioning? That's what I do. 2000 hours of formal training over the last several years means I've got a highly honed skill. Sometimes is best to just let it go and thank the chemicals for their assistance."

As I watch my body rage an autoimmune disorder battle I weep from my tailbone to my toes and through the pores of my skin. Sometimes I compassionately numb the trembling with a cigarette and when I'm lucky with a hug or loving massage. When I experience betrayal I tremble all the way through my Being in the same way, pierced to the core. The double-edged sword is that I no longer have the power to repress or hide from the darkness. This means I experience it and the freedom encapsulated in the process.

The gift in feeling the pain so intensely is that I learn to make decisions that honor me while I yearn for deep, rich connection.

And -

When I watch the sun set or enjoy the company of someone dear to me who is Present as well it is one of the richest blessings you can imagine. I feel the love and beauty permeate through my very Being. I vibrate with the ferocious intensity of Life.

In that I have the opportunity to mirror it back to You. If you have the courage, I invite you to come with me on the road less traveled - you will be more alive and more connected than you could imagine. It's only hard 'cause it's worth it.

Seduced

2011-04-19T19:39:00.000-07:00

Seduced

by dance.
Again.

I show up
half-naked,
willing.

Who does the seducing?

Me or She?

Does it matter?

No.

Result the same:
Sweaty puddle of bliss.

Kudos

2011-04-17T18:51:00.000-07:00

This weekend honing my skills I asked near strangers to notice their breath and gaze into the eyes of a person in front of them.

Scary!

Some of the feedback I got was heart warming:

Sandi, you did an incredible job at captivating my mind in understanding what is so important to you and how you feel that all of us need to get back to knowing our body and spirit through meditation (yoga). I felt relaxed and at one with my feelings and thoughts. I felt connected with my surroundings and feel that you have much to offer this WORLD. Peace and connectedness. -Wayne

Sandi, your presentation awoke a sense of life in me and brought needed awareness and strength. I was fascinated with what you taught and will definitely apply what I learned. Your passion and power and purpose are inspiring. Thank you for sharing. - Megan

...and an assortment of random kudos: thank you for your vision and for being able to step up in the world to transform the evolution of humanity; you stand out in a good way, I can tell you have lived through some amazing experiences and have a lot to share; I feel amazing just being in your Presence...

Nothin' but love!

Crying with Strangers

2011-04-14T15:10:00.000-07:00

This morning I attended a presentation skills training with Kirk Duncan of 3 Key Elements. He handed each of us an envelope with a letter “from our students” to inspire us to overcome the fears and challenges of getting a message into the world. As I read about the loneliness of being in the world without a strong support system, the difficulty of finding others to connect with who are really working on themselves and the life changing inspiration of been seen by a teacher tears rolled down my face. By the boxes of tissues passed around I could see I wasn’t the only one affected. After we had the opportunity to absorb the message we wrote a letter back to students committing to doing what it takes to connect. I wrote about understanding the loneliness of being in the world without a support system, which has been up for me recently, and my commitment to honor myself to be clear as a teacher.

My spiritual journey began by leaving the religion of my community of origin which meant being left in the world alone. 25 years of my life I committed to serving in the community, being fully engaged in that life. I was raised in a small, small farming community in northern Mexico – pre-internet times. The only messages that got through were heavily filtered through the guiding religious (LDS) views. I am eternally grateful to the authors such as Alexandre Dumas who wrote books of adventure and romance that opened my mind to a world larger than the farm. When I moved from the farm in Mexico I continued to be heavily involved in my church community, seeing the large global church community as an extension, knowing that anywhere on the planet I went I would always be home because there would be someone to open a door to me and maybe feed me a warm meal. My community was like air: life, sustenance, support, guidance, truth, connection, worldview - tribe. Church and community were one, deeply interwoven through me. ...and I didn’t notice it until it was gone.

I committed 2 apparently unforgivable sins at the same time – leaving an abusive relationship and heading out in the world seeking Truth. When I left I moved to a small apartment with two guys near ASU’s campus where I attended grad school. I had virtually no money. If ever I needed help, this was the time. What I got was shunned invisibility. For the final time I stood in what had been my kitchen in a gorgeous home in eastern Mesa, Arizona with every possible surface covered with food – for my ex-husband. Not a single person from the church community called me to see if I needed anything. After 25 years of serving, showing up, being involved and being very, very good following commandments, I could have died and it would have gone unnoticed.

At the training, a woman in front of me turned for us to share our letters to students with each other. She asked where I was from. When I responded Mexico she knew my family, I went to school with her younger brother. We grew up 4 blocks from each other in the Mormon Colonies, a very tight-knit community that has incredible bonds and incredible judgment. She wasn’t part of my community in Arizona, but part of the global community of church whose origins in Mexico are my deepest roots. The community by which I felt betrayed.

“This will be interesting” I thought. She doesn’t know my story, has no idea the impact of that time in my life. From home I expected judgment. It took courage to lift my eyes to look into hers with the pains of my soul so raw on paper.

What are the chances of two women who grew up in another country, one who traveled from another state for this training, meeting in this room of a hundred people and sitting across from each other for this exercise? Thank you, Divine.

She heard me read, “I understand the loneliness of being in the world without a support system.” 10 years of isolation live in that sentence. 10 years of courage, sometimes barely making it out of bed, sometimes not. 10 years of searching high and low for what was so terribly wrong with me that I - I as a human being, wasn't worthy of love. 10 years of life disjointed, alone. It took me several minutes to read this one sentence because the tears flowed faster than my words.

Holding her in mind as the symbol of my journey I let myself be seen. In the depth of beautiful blue, I let belonging, compassion and connection soak in. She shared her own story of feeling alone, physically challenged and wanting to extend peace into a world it can be fucking hard to stay in.

In awe and respect for the healing power of staying present and stepping up to be seen I will share 6 impossible things (from the latest Alice in Wonderland movie, also shared at this event):
-Humans can fly
-Humans, without fangs, claws, poison or even furry coats can evolve to have no predators
-I survived
-Two women who grew up four blocks from each other can meet in another country decades later and heal a deep wound by witnessing a single sentence.
-I can triple my income in three years, if I can do that why not do it in a year?
-I can change the world by seeing people and inviting them to do the same

Socially Acceptable Survivor

2011-04-12T20:14:00.000-07:00

At an event tonight I saw a woman wearing a "race for the cure" t-shirt with "survivor" proudly displayed along the side. It struck me as odd that some survivor-ship is socially acceptable and other is not. For example if I wore a "domestic violence and sexual assault survivor" shirt in pretty pink or pale blue how would that be received? I imagine it would make people uncomfortable. Surviving violence is no less heroic than surviving cancer yet somehow carries more shame.

Maybe the commercialization of pink ribbons for breast cancer makes it socially acceptable, maybe because the fight of cancer is against nature not man so "united we stand". I would love for someone working in the DV/SA field to commercialize a blue cracked egg that lives in the social consciousness to symbolize the incredible courage and strength it takes to reclaim power after violence.

Admittedly I thankfully have not had to face the battle of breast cancer in my body so I don't know how they compare for sure... I lost one of my dearest friends, the woman who introduced me to Yoga, Patricia Arters, to breast cancer in my mid-20's, the quick decay from vibrant, feisty, strong woman to tired bones was humbling. Her passing precipitated huge changes in my life, it was an inspiration to live more fully. This invitation required divorcing her son. Life has a funny way of opening.

In the midst of my current opening I stand for equal survivor-ship rights. Will you stand with me?

image credits: the eggs are percussion instruments http://b2b.coastmusic.com/ the shirt race for the cure

Crush Worthy Teachers

2011-04-08T13:37:00.000-07:00

Since it is Spring I am expanding my horizons and seeking out new things in town. I have found fun new things and re-kindled my love for some long time companions.

My favorite long time teacher is Scott Moore - encouraging, compassionate and deep. I discovered him c. 2004 in Sandy, UT and have been following him on and off since (some people call that stalking I have heard). He has been one of my most formative teachers and often while teaching I hear things coming out of my mouth that are truly Scott's words. His restorative workshops are 'da bomb and his Feldenkrais and Yoga Workshop this weekend promises to give me another crush worthy teacher in Erin.

I have a crush from afar on David Whyte who is frequently 'astonished' and shares this reverence through insightful and heartfelt poetry. Plus he's got a rad accent which is always crush worthy.

Last night I met my most recent crush Diane Hamilton at a Jungian event. She is charismatic and deep with an endearing hint of irreverence. I love how she gave us an experience of perspectives as she described Ken Wilber's Integral work (he is another of my intellectual crushes). I also am inspired to make peace with my roots as a way to transcend and integrate my disavowed ethnocentric identity. Another fabulous thing about the evening was to feel into spaciousness with a group of peers.

Last but not least, Aaron Hunsaker whose encouragement in a challenging class feels a combo of a martial arts teacher and a mentor for inner city kids (I suspect he has experience in both). Even though he does a ton on the wrists and I have to adapt for carpal tunnel I keep showing up for that encouragement and core strength... and let's face it, tattoos are just damn sexy.

Questioning Beliefs in the Enchanted Forest

2011-04-05T10:59:00.000-07:00

Something is always lost in translation. I tried to explain to a friend who doesn’t walk the same path my profoundly transformative experience this weekend. She asked if we learned more techniques, I said, “no, went deeper.” “Deeper into what?” Those who have been there know; those who haven’t are confused. Words don’t even exist in the non-conceptual field of awareness, I tried. I stumbled through something and as I sensed her eyes glaze over I switched topics to something more mundane.
Much later, I realized the closest description is an enchanted forest. You stand at the edge of the forest, looking at a thicket of trees (initial meditation). As you calm down and slow your mind you recognize there is something bright and shiny, though you can’t really tell what or where it comes from. A glow emanates from somewhere unseen. The dense green trees surround you with rich debris and soil under feet. Heavy moist air wraps itself through your breath. The trees filter bright white light to a gentle illumination. As you find your way down a path you find more light, more space, more clarity. Light and shadow play tricks on your eyes. Slowly, slowly as you walk deeper you find more light, less shadow, more space, less matter, more clarity, less confusion. After years and years of struggle, sometimes getting lost, others running gleefully only to be disappointed and having to find your way back again you finally reach the center of the forest. As you step into the clearing angels sing and you see the source of light, an almost blindingly bright light that permeates your Being. Crystal clear. You understand. Here, you look back to the forest and see with new eyes, the shimmering luminescence exists in everything just waiting to be invited into the opening.

I walked in this forest exploring love and value. Every step along the way we questioned – “what is value?” “what is love?” “am I really separate?” This is a practice similar to the Kaizen 5 whys only a hell of a lot deeper. The questioning took me deep into the forest. As I entered the center of the forest full, POWERful love overtook and erased me paradoxically also showing ME. I soooo long for leaders who lead from this understanding, for leadership with this profound level of inner inspiration. I yearn for leadership that replaces the dehumanizing concept of human "resources" and sees people as the shimmering luminescence asking to be invited in. How different would the world be through those eyes? How vastly more life-afirming would decisions be ...and through those eyes what a different world we could create.

Body and Mind prepare to be expanded

2011-04-03T17:07:00.000-07:00

April has somehow turned into my intensive growth month. Two days in I have completed a Diamond Approach weekend on LOVE, culminating in a very powerful session where inner Support, Power and Love danced in a life altering way through my body. I also attended a yoga class that actually left me sore - rare! AcroYoga jam... and we are just getting started.

On the month's agenda are a bike trip in the San Rafael Swell, a yoga and bike trip with Master teacher Shiva Rea in Moab and some facilitation training to bring my long time dream of somatic leadership facilitation to life.

Ye ha.

Sex is a Journey not a Destination

2011-04-01T20:48:00.000-07:00

Curiously, I peek my head back into the world of dating after a therapeutic reprieve. Interesting world at my door step.

I took to a party what I thought was a simple guideline for meeting people: a decent, healthy human being who turns me on and is available. Not such an easy bill to fill after all. The evening was filled with fun interactions, interesting conversations and DANCING! As the party wound down a kid a decade my junior came into a conversation a friend and I were having about crazy people being good in bed and impossible in relationships. Now, I am experimental and adventurous by nature... and open and expressive. From wild he interpreted easy. On the dance floor he latched on to me and didn't take the hint when I clearly backed away every time he came close. Finally when he physically tried to draw me close to him I pushed back with "I am independent and need a hell of a lot of space" (especially when dancing). By his subsequent behavior (and sharply honed intuition) I knew he expected to come home with me. WTF? I don't know how wild translated in his head to assuming he had rights... and I'm kind of pissed about it, still.

wild does not mean easy

I embrace my wild side. Tattoos turn me on. I relish time with those who have not fully tamed their inner feral animals. The irrational spark of wild unbridled passion ignites a hunger in me. I am experimental and adventurous by nature. This helps push my unique evolutionary envelope. Adventurous experiments also mean I don't follow conventional rules for sexual behavior. That doesn't mean I am easy, in fact I am fucking picky... in my own unique and unconventional way.

More than once when sharing the story of a road less traveled someone (not particularly interesting, sexy, adventurous or wild) hearing that story has tried to kiss, grope or fondle me. I can see how wild would spark desire. After all, I know that feeling myself. What I can't wrap my head around is how they assume that because I push the envelope, I am there for the taking.

I can't entirely blame the guys, I march to the beat of my own drummer, probably not on this planet. I am sure they are expecting something else. Several years ago I did a lot of Muay Thai kick-boxing. Punching was a natural component in my muscle memory. Hours upon hours of practice brought this home. My Muay Thai career started as a women's self-defense workshop through my volunteer work as a advocate for survivors of domestic and sexual violence. I enjoyed the workshop so much I continued training at the facility that hosted the event. Several months into training I was dancing with a girlfriend at a club. I felt unknown hands behind me on my hips. My next memory was drawing my fist back after punching him squarely in the chest. His hands were raised to the side saying "don't hurt me." Another experience in his life taught him this was acceptable behavior, hopefully I rewired a little in his brain.

I still can't make the connection why Joe Shmoe thinks I would have any interest in something so utterly mundane as a random hook-up just 'cause they are there. I think the underlying principle for them is sex, for me it is exciting.

sex should be exciting

Life should be exciting. If it doesn't turn you on why do it (this principle is carrying over into more areas of my life)? The journey is the key. Sex doesn't have to be a sex circus - over rated. It is all about the journey, not the destination. There MUST be passion, desire, thrill, tenderness, riding waves of energy together. There has to be connection. Roaming lips, roaming hands, roaming exploration. When I come to sex I am looking for a shared journey, I can get the destination on my own. What I need a partner for is the surprise, opening new doors of awareness, revealing new things about myself, about how I relate, about what turns me on... in that moment. It changes, frequently. That's part of the thrill of the journey. Maybe that's why I have liked sex with crazy people - there is always an unknown. In the most prominent such relationship, on and off for several years, in my life there were a few things broken - including furniture and my heart. I think this was Leonard Cohen's "there's a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." That crack was widened by a betrayal that graciously ended the relationship.

nothing kills passion like betrayal

enough said... no matter the nature of the relationship, honor it passion flows in waves, betray it game over. This can be romantic relationship, friendships or working relationships. Same with yoga practice - if you betray the body, pushing it too far it breaks down. Translated equally to life.

Honor connection, honor life and enjoy good sex.

The Lost Art of Witnessing - Unlocking Potential Through the Power of Being Seen

2011-03-22T21:05:00.000-07:00

I don't even know her name. We're in love.

Her soft brown eyes opened to connect with me, seeing me witness her. A tear crept from my eyes with her piercing intimacy. Her dreams moved through her body. I watched them, holding space in my heart for their creation. Short gray hair framed her young yet experienced face full of vibrant life. When we looked at each other, without a single word we knew we were woven together. Shannon, facilitating our Remedy Wave practice, guided us to gracefully shift roles. As I closed my eyes to have my dreams witnessed tears blossomed up from my swelling heart, so touched by the Power of being seen and completely unlocked in my potential.

As I balance between worlds, drawing leaders to life through movement and breath I am constantly seeking language that bridges my sterile yet profitable MBA life with my rich inner RYT (registered yoga teacher) life. One of the words that has deftly eluded translation is witnessing. As I tangibly experienced tonight there isn't a bridge because witnessing is something greatly missing in most work places. As David Whyte quotes a person who hired him to speak in corporate America, "the language of business is not big enough for where we are going."

Most people who have worked with me have commented on two main qualities they appreciate: Trust and Being Truly Seen. I recognize the power of these gifts and know I work a hell of a lot harder for the rare managers who have practiced this valuing. If we could get witnessing in the curriculum holy shit would it change the world of work - unlocking potential and bring Life back to living.

MBA vs RYT

2011-03-17T21:57:00.000-07:00

Both of these 'three letters after my name' came into my life about the same time from the same family tree. MBA was at the encouragement of my ex-husband, driven by prestige and image. An introduction to the path of RYT was by his mother, one of my formative teachers and a dear friend.

My Yoga practice has flowed through me, guiding me through various life stages. I look on the 'yoga as fitness' trend in our culture with mixed emotions - it brings much needed relaxation and invitation to Truth forward while also obscuring it in strange clothing. Stillness and depth are my heart of practice, the place I go for answers. My practice gives me access to the pool of my heart that is the well from which I drink. I yearn to be fed more fully. The journey toward RYT has been long and rich.

I hold a more adversarial relationship with the MBA aspects of myself - the whole package of what it means. At heart I am about people, not people as resources or capital but people as divine beings. Often this is jarring to exist in the narrow mindset of corporate life.

To create the MBA + RYT gestalt I am challenged to befriend the sorrow of lost self and heal with appreciation while letting go of struggles - confused with an open heart.

As I figure out this gestalt I am offering a Monday morning yoga class at SugarSpace (616 Wilmington in Salt Lake) 7-8:15am. Gentle class, quiet and relaxing. I would love to have you join me on this path.

Out of the Comfort Zone, Into the Learning Zone

2011-03-17T15:21:00.000-07:00

Last week I got the leadership of the ODAT team (the most entrepreneurial, wild west group within Backcountry) to get out of their comfort zone and learn some new skills: AcroYoga with Amy Olson. We had a ton of fun and learned more about how we work together.

We learned we can stack people four planks high.

...and the importance of communication since the plank stack came tumbling down (not pictured). Since I landed on my face from four high, it still hurts a little when my rad cube mate Steve Perry makes me laugh.

Here we are developing the foundations for the 6-person Super Yogi Mandala. The more complex the configurations the more communication, or the lack thereof, became critical.

All six of us bring it together...

...for the Magic!

After we got all Yogarific we had to "man up" and went to the shooting range for some target practice (very interesting insight for me into the world outside my normal life).

Tumbleweeds for Christmas

2011-03-03T09:31:00.000-08:00

First of all, who is thinking about Christmas in March? Second of all, what do tumbleweeds have to do with Christmas? Well, if you grew up in the Sonora desert in northern Mexico like I did, you know that tumbleweeds rule. They roll across the wide open desert and wrap themselves into big tangles whenever something stops them in their tracks. For ranchers and farmers, which most of us were, dealing with them is a constant battle. We had to haul them from ditches where they clogged the flow of limited and essential water, unwrap them from fence posts and electrical poles, pull them out of obscure corners and do it all again.

Needless to say, managing prickly tumbleweeds gets old. One year my best friend’s father decided to stop fighting and celebrate them by making a big round one into a Christmas tree. I don’t think his wife was happy with it, but as a teenager I found it fascinating. Lights strung around the dried bush made it quite beautiful (and maybe a fire hazard). With decorations hung and presents gathered it was a regular ol’ Christmas tree.

Last night, in the advanced class I lead one of the participants had a beautiful insight that something considered a weakness was actually a great asset. Inspired by this today I am experimenting with the same, how can I turn my Tumbleweeds into Christmas trees? What if I stop wrestling with myself and just dress it up to see how I look in a new light?

Remember - a message from the Swell

2011-02-14T21:42:00.000-08:00

Thursday 7/1

I have had enough of the bugs and heat. The big cottonwood tree at the entrance to my haven has a large branch I believe will be more shaded than my current spot. Further from the creek there should also be less pests wanting dinner from my skin. I gather my pillow and the blue fabric of my cocoon and begin the trek up the road. Under the brim of my sun hat I see them: intruders.

A couple of 4-wheelers lurk unwelcomed around my spot. I am not interested in interacting with human creatures and veer right toward the creek. They must find the appearance of a strange, elusive creature carrying yards of blue fabric around the desert rather puzzling.

A big tree with a thick low branch draws me in. As I walk closer to hang the cocoon a long beautiful silvery snake extends his head then ducks away, more threatening when invisible. I keep walking.

Finally, I find a spot on the ground to rest in the shade. As I extend my limbs, my torso becomes heavy on the earth and I feel the warm support of her holding. Wind brushes over me on her way down canyon, a light caress. Drawing my left hand to my heart I feel the steady rhythm of my pulse while my right searches for the same in the earth. “You have to start with the surface,” she says. I try to push it. No luck. I give in to her, she has more practice and eventually wins. I want to be invited in so I follow. With each breath I explore a new dimension. Lizards scurrying around dry leaves and wind blowing through the brush fade into the heat of the day, still soaring in the shade. The gurgle of the creek grows more palpable as I feel the ridges of dirt on my skin. Breathing, resting deeper I find a cool layer of earth underneath – dark and quiet. Peace envelops my heart as I feel the fluids roam their trails. Traveling deeper, in the stillness of that depth I find it: the same rhythmic pulsing as my own heart beat. In unison with mine! "Remember,” she whispers, “you are home. Remember.” I imagine all the oils to be a part of the lubricating pulse, “remember.”

Honoring the Lineage of Teachers

2011-02-08T21:16:00.000-08:00

I never thought I would say this phrase from the heart. Many years ago when I was trying to save the world (in a different (maybe somewhat) way than I am now) the social venture I founded co-hosted an event. It was a Buddhist practice "Tara Dance", (*editors note: I never know if the comma goes after quotations or not*) a choreographed dance with incredible transformative power. One portion of the vocal expression was "I honor the lineage of teachers." I cringed inside as I said it - then.

Tonight I had my world rocked by Scott Moore. Deep within my soul, I honor the lineage of teachers. Through subtle ways, I recognize how hugely impacted my life (and teaching) has been by his teaching... and his teachers.

One year at Summer Movement Monastery in PA, Dunya asked us to honor our first meditation teacher. Patricia, my late ex-mother in-law accidentally opened my world. She had breast cancer and in a brave and controversial stance decided against chemo and for herbs and yoga. She shared with me a book, which still sits on my bookshelf, tattered and worn, falling apart at the edges, and maybe the single most influential gift of my liberation - the Door.

a philosophy of one-ness - unity of heart, body and soul - nutrition of body and mind

R E S O N A T E D

the light cracked through; I couldn't go back, the fire, tapas, started in the kiln and I was forever altered and changed

Battling my quest for value I have had a crisis of faith. In the Presence of light and love through Scott's tutelage I realize how silly it is. Come home Sandi, this is where you belong. Show up from the heart and let the rest go.

What is your RELIGION?

2011-02-06T21:13:00.000-08:00

I don't mean Jewish, Muslim or Christian. I mean what is Really your Religion?

Saturday over coffee, a dear friend and I talked about Science as religion. We look to Science and Commerce for answers and meaning. We hold them as the hope of humanity. I know someone who has neurology as a religion. Even in saying the word neurology there is a fanaticism in the pronunciation reminiscent of my ultra religious upbringing.

If you don't know your RELIGION, answer these questions and see what they reveal:

The world would be better if ___

___ has all the answers

I trust ___

I only want to spend time with people who ___

When times are tough I go to ___

My community is __

How does this "faith" color your decision-making?

--in case you were wondering my religion is self-awareness, personal development and meditation (Dancemeditation, Diamond Approach, Yoga - not the American fitness version); you've probably figured that out--

Be Careful What You Wish For: the Power and Perils of Declaration

2011-02-06T00:29:00.000-08:00

When I declared 2011 the Year of Value I didn't realize (until today) I evoked the equivalent of giving myself a spiritual name

expressing my potential and

taking the cloak -

agreeing to walk through WHATEVER it takes
to KNOW Value in my soul and in my cells

In the Spiral of removing barriers my dreams show me each fear, memory and experience lacking value; my waking moments concur

I meet darkness with Deep Self Love, Transformation

to find Dawn Crisp, Fresh and New

Clarity = Results

2011-01-26T09:05:00.000-08:00

This equation resonates DEEP in my experience. The more I know myself (an intimate form of clarity), the more this is true. My burning transformative journey was amped up last summer on my desert sabbatical and the results have been stellar!

The San Rafael Swell, known locally as the Swell holds a truly special place in my heart for holding and transforming me last summer. It is one of the most magical places on this crazy cool planet and the energy will knock your socks off! Last autumn Earth Energy Resources was granted rights to do shale extraction on the land. Gasp!

During my fall break-up I camped on the land again over Halloween - my equivalent of "going home for dinner" to find nourishment and comfort. I set up camp in the dark. My dreams were vibrant and piercing. Equipment, noise, destruction. In the light I saw I had camped by a small airplane and recognized I was an intrusion. I knew I must move quickly and get out of the way. Across the valley I saw a huge operation of earth moving equipment working away and my heart sank. Tears welled through my heart, seeping out of my skin, tearing me open. Trashing, I yelled "no, no, no" until I truly woke up sobbing and shocked. I peaked out of the tent and saw the soft glow of gentle morning light welcoming life in the Swell. She and I have an intimate connection.

I dream of facilitating a conversation with the land via a leadership development retreat involving yoga, meditation, stories under the stars, mountain guides and herbal explorations. The impact of my first run using movement as a leadership catalyst had impact. This event would be earth-~~shattering~~ healing. My favorite herbalist shared a story where a pharma company gathered plants for medicine in their normal way while medicine men/women extracted them using their traditional ways (ethically, honoring and appreciating the plants). Not surprisingly the chemical constituents from the medicine way were stronger. Intuitively I feel it would be the same results extracting energy resources from the land. She is here to support us. If we learn to live synergistic-ally with her - Powah!

I have guides and teachers on board. I can get connections to celebrity storytellers. I lack a key piece: the leaders of Earth Energy Resources - for now. Working my network I have been developing contacts in the energy industry. It is a long, slow process.

This week I threw my name in the hat for a mini-coaching jam with one of my professional crushes. Defining what I am doing and needing brought clarity.

Yep, Clarity = Results.

Result = The Full Circle Group and a promised introduction by a dear friend who has done a lot of work with them. Cha-Ching. They are the missing piece of my tribe - passion, awareness and well-developed relationships built over years of rockin' results... and experience with the energy industry.

Clarity = Results.

the Releasing phase of Creating

2011-01-24T22:54:00.000-08:00

Space, breath.
Opening to the unknown allows room.
A plant can't sprout into concrete,
he needs Air to breathe.
All manifestation requires space.
Space can feel empty, lonely and anxious.

2011 is my year of Value. I am making space for this by saying 'no' to what I don't want to allow the room for what I do.

From the space, what will arise?
Not knowing requires faith.
Willingness to endure a lonely evening
Self doubt because I dream of
deeper level of connection
true intimacy
to be highly valued for my uniqueness.

I have been holding on to a rope, I just let go...

in the free fall before

?

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

2011-01-19T18:50:00.000-08:00

Saturday night I celebrated with dear friends a hard earned victory of my name being removed from the Mormon Church. After dinner at Mazza a smaller group went out for drinks at the Tavernacle, an appropriate setting for the occasion. It was hilarious and funny and entertaining. Dueling pianists entertain the crowd and people put up money to request songs and if you hate the song and want it changed you add more money to the pot. It can get heated.

Before a song the more frequently hit on pianist said, "we are two dudes, this next song has $10 to play a chick song that is disrespectful to men. I don't want to play it." Various guys put up a total of $54 to not play that song and instead play one that is disrespectful to women. This gets me fired up. Recognize, Utah is a seat of patriarchy. To add fuel to my state the pianist said, "I know no one will match this because your boyfriends aren't going to lend you money and girls make less than guys." Roar!

I watched the crowd and what surprised me is no one even made an effort. I mention again a seat of patriarchy. In my purse I had $45 cash and tried to think of a good song on the spot. All I could come up with was Madonna, wanted something less sexual. Now I love Madonna, partly because she owns her sexuality. Not the tone I wanted to set.

Next time I go to the Tavernacle I'll have $150 in cash and a dance routine worked out for R-E-S-P-E-C-T popularized by Aretha Franklin.

Is this the best use of my hard-earned money? It might be. I donate a portion of every paycheck to organizations that empower women or seek to eradicate Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault (Utah not surprisingly has higher than national rates of both). If one night in my younger more insecure developing years while out at a bar I saw a woman powerfully tip the trend by handing the pianist one-hundred-and-fifty buck-a-roos of her own money and ask for R-E-S-P-E-C-T it may have made a big difference in my life. I would LOOOOOOVE to be that inspiration for a handful of women.

Monday I learned that I now work for a company (in Utah) with a woman as CEO. In Utah! My interactions will Jill have been brief and conversational so I don't know how suited she is for the task. I am happy to see this trend and thrilled to work at a company that is progressive enough for this to be accepted. Note: most of us are out-of-staters with the full number spectrum of area codes, might have something to do with it. Interesting times.

Why oh Why?

2011-01-06T16:59:00.000-08:00

If you are alive, which I am guessing you are if you are reading this (if you're not alive and reading this you've got skills I want to learn) - anyway I digress... If you are alive there is probably something you really want. It may be something that you woke up wanting this morning, it may be something you have been wanting for a long, long time.

Do you know why? I invite you to ask - not just once quickly to get an answer but many times. Listen to the answer - the one that comes as words in your head, the one that tingles through your body, the one that makes you want to run. Listen intently to the silence. Listen to the space where fear and pleasure battle it out. Listen with your heart and fingertips.

Once you have some answers ask in another voice - whisper the question and see what you get, then yell the question in a parent's tone. Hmmm... Why do you really want this? How do you expect your life to change? What do you think it will mean for you as a human being?

Happy hunting! Let me know what you find.

Since You've Already Broken a New Year's Resolution or more...

2011-01-05T18:24:00.000-08:00

Here's another approach to the New Year - a meditation brought to you by Sylvia of Grow Your Business Organically. She has a wonderful program tailored for Heart-Centered Entrepreneurs.

Happy New Year!

Creating Meaning

2011-01-04T21:39:00.000-08:00

I am thrilled that management consultant Anne Libby (one of my professional crushes) is offering her first ever "interactive, location-independent, learning experience" on creating meaning. I am a rock-star at creating meaning in my own life. When it comes inspiring meaning in others, I dip my feet gingerly in the big ocean of possibility. I imagine Anne will take me by the hand out into the flowing depths and teach me some things that'll help me rock the world.

Want to join? You know you do.

This is Where I Stand

2011-01-03T19:42:00.000-08:00

Sometime around Spring 2007 I began the notoriously painful process of removing my name from the records of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. How it ended up there is as much accident as my birth into a devout practicing family in northern Mexico. This was pre-internet time (yes, there was such a thing) and we were isolated from information that wasn’t filtered through proper channels (presiding patriarchy of the church founded by Joseph Smith, a lecherous gold-digger, in the 1800s). At the age of 20 (nearly an old-maid by community’s standards) I married in the temple not entirely of my free will. It wasn’t forced, it wasn’t my heart’s choice and I couldn’t express my desire.

In the poetic beauty of the Yin-Yang of life, within this cage were the stirrings that set me free. My late ex-mother-in-law exposed me to Yoga philosophy, unintendinly teaching me there is more in this wide expansive world than the narrow lense I had been given. I began questioning “Truth” and there were no satisfactory answers in the church system. After 5 ½ torturously long years I filed for divorce. In the process I learned for the first time, at 25, that physical violence was not an appropriate form of affection. It was a fortunate accident to learn. I told a friend about being dragged across my living room by my neck and she shook her head saying, “That isn’t right”. Hmm, I never knew. Nothing in 25 years of wandering this planet suggested anything other than I deserved it. I never thought to question until this blessed shattering of light cracked through. Just as I began to establish my footing, speak my truth, recognize and express my desires the rug of any semblance of stability was cruelly yanked. When I committed the double whammy of evil, divorce and seeking my own truth, I was utterly discarded as a human being. Painfully rejected, judged and shunned.

To say the free fall of the next few years were rough would be an obscene understatement. Disgrace by a small fragment of the world’s population would have been more manageable had I had other connections in the world instead of the deep cultural isolation that had been pressed into me. I ran hard and fast from, with only a vague and foggy idea of to. Drugs and sex as much experimental curiosity as self-medication. No community for solace. No mirror to validate intrinsic worth. Only deep and lonely darkness.

Fortunately a few people held my unraveling threads together. Very, very few but it was enough for survival. Grace. My first sense of being held by a loving Universe was chemically induced. It planted a seed of hope until I could find it again later through the Diamond Approach. After several years of hard work engaging anger, fear and hatred; understanding isolation, abandonment and betrayal; I found strength, courage and love within me. I found a community with an accepting embrace. And I wanted to put the past behind. Severing ties with the Mormon Church was an important part of that process for me. In 2007 I contacted the local church leader and asked for my name to be removed from the records. He graciously apologized for the injuries caused by the congregation (entirely different states but the same body of church). He expressed that it would be a great loss to the church to not have me included in the membership because he recognized the power of my light. He also explained that I would lose all of the blessings of the church.

“Yep, that is exactly what I am fucking hoping for! Do it now, please.” My response was more political yet clearly expressed I had no reservations. He said we had to wait 30-days in case I changed my mind because it would be so much more difficult to become a member again if I took this course of action. “I have contemplated this for several years. Be done with it.” After the interview I waited my 30-days, called for confirmation that my request had been processed and didn’t hear back. Recently, years after I considered the matter done, I got a call from church membership looking for Sandra Arters. I explained that had been my married name and I had requested my name be removed. Very nicely the person on the other end of the line explained I would have to talk to the church leader where I lived again. I wrote a letter several months ago and finally got a response dated 12/26/10:

“you need to understand … the consequences of your action … cancels the effects of your baptism and confirmation (have worked hella hard in ceremonies to undo this already, please), and revokes temple blessings which includes your temple marriage (the primary fucking reason I want this done – he has no rights, not even to the thread of my name. I want this cut permanently).”

I have asked nicely, I have waited, I have been patient. I WILL NOT ASK NICELY AGAIN!

While fuming about this insult, a David Whyte poem, Self Portrait, came drifting through my ears to speak powerfully to my wee funk (buy the CD – he has an enchanting voice):

Self Portrait

It doesn't interest me if there is one God
Or many gods.
I want to know if you belong -- or feel abandoned;
If you know despair
Or can see it in others.
I want to know
If you are prepared to live in the world
With its harsh need to change you;
If you can look back with firm eyes
Saying "this is where I stand."
I want to know if you know how to melt
Into that fierce heat of living
Falling toward the center of your longing.
I want to know if you are willing
To live day by day
With the consequence of love
And the bitter unwanted passion
Of your sure defeat.
I have been told
In that fierce embrace
Even the Gods
Speak of God.

This is the year “the bitter unwanted passion of sure defeat” stops.

2010 was the year of Choice. 2011 is the year of Value.

THIS IS WHERE I STAND.

My name is mine. Not yours, not his, not theirs. My name and what I do with it is my choice. I choose value. If you are in my life, value me. If you don’t, get outta way to make room for those who do.

I may be different and weird, you may not understand me – now or ever, you may not even like me – that’s okay.

I am more powerful than incomplete perception.

You may not get why I choose to live an unconventional life. I don’t care. I make hard choices and not only take the path less travelled, I create it.

I live my life on my terms. I have sacrificed nearly everything for this privilege and will continue to enjoy it. I stand for deep, true honoring of experience.

I know on this wide, complex, evolving planet the world, the part of it that matters, is eager for what I offer – guidance with wisdom, freedom, Truth and sensuality. I walk the fire of transformation and bring light home. If you want this, come with me. It won’t be an easy journey… because it is worth it.

I stand for growth. I stand for evolution. I stand for compassion, connectedness and Truth. I stand for you, and more than that I stand for Me.

This is Where I Stand.

Sandi Longhurst – 1/3/2011, Salt Lake City, UT

En Fuego

2010-12-23T23:06:00.000-08:00

Recently, in conversation with a friend I hadn't seen in many a moon and inspired by Danielle LaPorte at White Hot Truth, I responded to "how are you?" with my passionate truth, "I am On FIRE!" My life is rockin' and I'm loving it. Solstice energy? Renewed health? Owning Choice? Freedom? Any and all - keep it coming.

Truth is, this season - the beginnings of winter - usually tear me down, pull me into longing for hot summer days and late luxurious nights. Craving warmth, light I enter a depression. This winter only faint echoes, minuscule compared to the fire of transformation rolling me along. Choice in my life enables me to be present to the beauty and magic of this season.

Deeper Truth is I have worked crazy hard this year. I made desperately hard choices (including ending the best relationship I've had), faced long-time fears and walked the desert burning for Truth.

It paid off - as you can see by my accomplishments of the past year:

My sabbatical walking the desert burning for Truth was both work and reward, a catalyst for my growth in the latter part of the year.

I nearly doubled my income in the last 6 months (and tripled it in the last 3 years). Counter-cyclical, baby.

I invested over $10k and hundreds of hours of time in personal growth and development through trainings and workshops in a broad spectrum of topics with amazing teachers who continue to influence me daily.

I advanced a Spiral Dynamics level, trading Green for Turquoise with a dash of Yellow for healthy sense of self and inklings of Coral pushing the evolutionary envelope.

A long, long time dream of a decade or more that seemed impossible in our cultural context is now very real for me.

...and best of all, 100% of the people I mentored this year got amazing results, even beyond what they wanted. Not only am I rocking my world, I am a catalyst to rocking it for others as well.

I am READY for a more fabulous New Year!

Heartbreakingly Beautiful Happy Solstice

2010-12-21T20:15:00.000-08:00

On my way to dance the Solstice with Shannon Simonelli I felt my heart breaking. For joy. Heart so full, happy and alive that she needs more space to exist. Breathe, open, expand. From past heartbreaks I know how much space enters lusciously through the jagged cracks. Leonard Cohen says it best, "there's a crack in everything; that's how the light gets in."

Tonight we danced darkness to light, releasing what no longer served us, appreciating the beauty and richness of our lives and inviting L I G H T - that which we desire. In a deeply intuitive moment Shannon invited us to blend our gratitude with our desire. I felt blue lightning crackle through my Being, bringing these together in time/space, weaving threads in the Universe. Fully in the moment I recognized that my gratitude and Big Desire now are one and the same.

F R E E D O M. FREEdom. Freedom. Through my Dancemeditation, Yoga and Diamond Approach practices (etc.) I have found freedom physically, emotionally, mentally, financially, socially, relationally, sexually, recreationally, spiritually, creatively... That's a lot of -lys. Every aspect of my life has been enhanced through this work. I have connected with my power and strength, grown, developed self-awareness, healed, recovered, developed trust, connected and transformed. I know the power of this work, walking the path and facing life - giving her the honor she is worth.

This is my gratitude. And this is my desire.

I want to share this from my Being - wisdom, power, sensuality. Connect to this; we are free. My desire for the world: be Free. Know and feel this in every cell. Finding this in myself, in this collection of molecules in the Universe known as Sandi is a damn good place to start. There's a big huge world and I need other leaders with me. Leaders with vision, courage and clarity to lead with clarity, to clarity for a synergistically powerful, life-affirming world. Sound good?

Do you have the courage to follow me? To Lead with me? and lead us to follow you? Come find me, let's show the world her Power and set us Free.

Sandi's handy guide to mindfully surviving a crisis

2010-10-28T12:15:00.000-07:00

I have been researching decision making. Not surprisingly research consistently shows that stress negatively affects decision making. I have experienced this right and left over the last couple of weeks, which inspires Sandi’s handy guide to mindfully surviving a crisis.

1. Know where you are – Awareness! Knowing where (and how) you are is critical. Are you stressed, tired, angry, terrified... Recognize emotional states that will color your decision making and ability to act and mitigate them. I recognized that I was in emotional turbulence and that stress was contributing to poor decision making (such as loosing keys, locking myself out) and negatively affecting my health.

2. Be where you are – Having the courage and fortitude to stay with where you are is a continuation of recognizing it. Many, many times I have found that if I stay with what is arising emotionally it will transform on its own. If I fight it, deny it or cover it up it comes back with more furry later. Staying with terrifying emotions and deep, deep sadness allowed issues from a decade or more to surface, be seen and healed. Referring to my previous post, there is power in being present with what is there. I assure you it is well worth the pain of the moment.

3. Nourish yourself – If you are tired, sleep! If you are hungry, eat! Eat well and take supplements that will renew where you are depleted. Stress takes a toll on health which takes a toll on everything else. ~~Even~~ Especially in the midst of a crisis it is important to take care of yourself. I called on my fabulous friend and ally, Friendly Herbalist Kate Temple-West, for herbal magic and scheduled a massage appointment to ease my aching muscles. Herbal baths and rest when I could make the time for it shifted the stress from overwhelm into manageable. My body thanks me for this now and will love me for it later.

4. Know that “this too shall pass” – it always does.

5. Recognize the end and let it go – Shake it off (literally if you need to) and move on. In the wild when animals experience fear they respond then shake it off to release all the stress hormones that built up in the system. As humans few of our crisis require great feats of physical strength yet our systems still respond as if they did. Releasing these is critical - shake, dance wildly, have sex, run into nature and scream it out! Release it. I promise you'll feel better.

Gain Peace of Mind, Lose Street Ninjas

2010-10-27T09:54:00.000-07:00

Dunya, my Dancemeditation teacher, explains the Sufi practice of whirling as an acknowledgment that we always turn toward one thing and away from another. In the brutally heart-wrenching process of ending a relationship I explore these choices:

Gain space, lose companionship
Gain self-respect, lose best friend
Gain self-awareness, lose keys (comical how stress compounds stress)
Gain interdependence, lose sense of isolation
Gain depth and discrimination, lose illusion
Gain self-reliance, lose comfort
Gain tight muscles and fever blisters, lose tears
Gain anger and distance, lose attachment
Gain more truth in my life, lose long pattern of enduring lies
Gain sleep, lose Jackson Hole
Gain fear, lose fear

Gain fear, lose fear? Not a koan, only recognition of the outstanding power in consciously walking through the fire, letting awareness dance in the flames… transforming. Experience fear, lose fear perhaps more accurate. It has been said that our development progresses along a spiral. We revisit key issues from different perspectives as we grow. Multi-perspective insight supports our evolution.

This break-up and concurrent move triggered deep issues of survival, isolation and abandonment (oddly as the one leaving – but it is there). An opportunity emerges to explore interdependence and boundaries in a new light. Deeply grateful for the near decade of deep transformative work on my tool belt, I walk, cry and laugh through the learning exposing new depths to each issue.

Why do Round People Live in Squares?

2010-10-05T12:16:00.000-07:00

A design teacher I had in college explained that nature never makes a straight line. Because I learn experientially and want to Know for myself, I look for validation. After minutes, hours, days and weeks of exploration...

Confirmed. I have yet to find a straight line in the wild.

Last night Dan Schmidt brought this home again with talks of spiral built bones, spiral flow and multi-dimensional wonderlands. He mentioned an upcoming exciting new book by Theodore Roszak, "Change Your Body, Change the World." You think there might be a connection?

When I returned from my desert trek I was painfully aware of how inhumane this 'civilization' is. A colleague summed it up as "why do round people live in squares?" After spending weeks in intimate contact with the wild and free flow of nature, returning to fluorescent lights and blocked off walls felt constraining and unnatural. Civilization is so boxy and rigid, lacking the spark of uncontrollable wild.

Last year Bob and I spent Thanksgiving in Joshua Tree National Park for the Yogaslackers Redefining Balance retreat. Jason led us through an asana practice and had us move our mats to the side. He mentioned the obvious truth I had not recognized that most of the time we try to protect ourselves from the elements rather than engage them.

On the RideShare van to work another colleague mentioned that even those of us who play in nature quite often are usually insulated from her touch. If we do happen to touch nature it means something has gone terribly wrong, like we've wrecked on our bikes and our now a dirty pile of mud and blood.

With our health so intimately tied to nature: Engage!

Consciously, willingly and generously.

I find myself hungry for the real, the wild and the free. Movement gets me there, especially in nature. How do you get there?

Think for Yourself, Question Authority...

2010-09-15T12:32:00.000-07:00

Theses haunting lyrics introducing Tool's song Third Eye continue:

"Throughout human history, as our species has faced the frightening,
terrorizing fact that we do not know who we are, or where we are going in this ocean of chaos, it has been the authorities, the political, the religious, the educational authorities who attempted to comfort us by giving us order, rules, regulations, informing, forming in our minds their view of reality. To think for yourself you must question authority and learn how to put yourself in a state of vulnerable, open-mindedness; chaotic, confused, vulnerability to inform yourself.

Think for yourself.
Question authority."

Brilliant!

Today's authority is advertising and marketing telling you that "you suck" and you'll be happier/sexier/more popular/complete as soon as you buy whatever it is they are selling... until you get the next "you suck" message that perpetuates the cycle. Reading Jon Kabat-Zinn's book "Wherever You Go There You Are" brought home the impact of letting decisions on something as precious as our self-worth come from outside ourselves. Mr. Kabat-Zinn tells a story of the Dalai Lama asking to have the word self-esteem translated many times because he couldn't get his mind around how a culture could have such wide spread low self-esteem. When it finally clicked he was very saddened by this epidemic. Mr. Kabat-Zinn considered with all American culture's perceived wealth and prosperity, is this our internal poverty?

How often do decisions come from outside that would be better served from the inside?
- do you eat when you are hungry or because the clock tells you it is time to eat?
- how do you decide what to eat?
- why do you shop? where do you shop? how do you make this decision?
- do you act out of anxiety/depression/boredom or sit with the uncomfortable feelings to understand the message they bring you?

I invite you to make just one decision today (to start) from the depth of your Truth not the fringe of your insecurity.

Not sure how to find the depth of your Truth? Let's talk!

Let us know how it goes... what does it bring up for you?

Photolog - Overview

2010-09-01T17:56:00.000-07:00

Overview of my journey in the desert - Most of the pictures are mine, a few are from Bob's camera. Other people you will see in the pictures besides me include Bob, our cats Calvin (the camping cat) and Priscilla, our buddy Jaime, his doggy Lily and our friends Luke and Stacy. Around the middle of the trip Bob brought me fresh supplies and made sure I wasn't under a rock, bitten by a snake or in some other catastrophe. At the end Bob brought our buddy Jaime and his beautiful dog Lily down. After my trip we returned to the same area to climb with friends Luke and Stacy. The really rad music is Apocalyptica interpreting Metallica.

Enjoy:

Moving at the Speed of Elements

2010-08-09T20:27:00.000-07:00

1st in the "Dancemeditation(TM) in the Wild" series

Time doesn't actually exist anywhere. We can't touch it or taste it or breathe it. Although we experience it passing, it is a fabrication. Time is a perception we live by in the human world.

Wilderness desert has her own time. What to us is a million years is nothing in desert time. Wind blows, water flows, plants grow and die, mountains erode, stars fall, and life ebs and flows in the depth without regard to being marked on a clock or calendar.

As I absorbed the beauty of the land formed by water and air and reflected on the drop that is a million years, I moved with the elements at their speed.

Air was chaotic and wild, a violent storm bringing life: seeds and the water to open and flourish them. My breath was forceful like dragon's fire. Fast and flinging, my limbs were separate and free. I shimmered like leaves in a gust. Directions changed on a whim and without warning. I was power and freedom embodied.

Water entered hypnotic flow. Curvilinear movements breathed into each other, connecting my awareness to my body - one liquid in a unifying membrane. Arms led the way, opening space for my torso to curve into the space created. My hips, always eager for their turn, widened the bend and my legs waved like s l o w tadpoles following the stream.

Earth brought me into glacially slow. A movement so slow you can't watch it from the outside except over blocks of time. Internally the movement is full with the rich complexity of the subtle. This is the desert at the land's pace and she appreciated me slowing down to witness her.

Fire lives in me, electric transformation at work. Yet this element I couldn't quite get in movement. I tried explosive and it felt fake. I worked with waves of fire and it felt like flow. As I write this I realize the glow of the sun, the dimensionality aspect of the Diamond Approach 5 Movements practice is how I express fire. She and I are one, I only need sense to embody her, which I do in each interaction with God's creatures. This is what allows transformation to occur where I am the catalyst.

The Last Thursday

2010-08-04T22:14:00.000-07:00

Near the end of my retreat I started coming out of contraction. In Dancemeditation the practitioner goes through stages of contraction and expansion, the deep work happens in contraction allowing the open space to occur in expansion. As I emerged from contraction I started turning my focus to what needs to be done when I get home, who I need to connect with... life outside of my Swell retreat bubble. I feel like it has been a good retreat. I know myself better, feel more self-reliant and self-confident. I have had some incredible meditations and great insight, seen a lot of cool things, been able to be calm in scary situations (snakes, spiders...), and have enjoyed the time by myself. Reviewing the last couple of weeks and thinking of wrapping up I feel like it has been a really mellow retreat all in all - nothing crazy, no standard Swell epics. My only regret is I haven't been able to pet a cat (mountain lions roam this area). Considering a big cat could easily eat me for dinner this probably isn't such a bad thing. I see Cat Canyon on the map and figure that a place by the name of Cat Canyon would be a good place to see cats.

My hunt for the elusive Cat Canyon takes two days. On the first day I drive to an old mining area and scramble up near the top of the canyon. I expected to walk a good bit more before getting into the hiking as a lot of the road I took showed unimproved on the map. Unimproved roads in the Swell usually mean impassable in anything but a high clearance 4WD. My 2WD space pod sports car is not the recommended mode of transport for this land. I am surprised that I can drive to the cabins which opens up a world of possibility for travel. Scrambling I get up just above the level of the mines. It looks like if I traverse I can possibly go higher or I can get shut down. I have already made some scary moves I am not looking forward to reversing and it looks like more of the same with greater exposure with the potential of a worse cliff on the other side before descending into the canyon on the other side. Reversing my hike I traverse farther out to see if I can avoid some of the scarier scrambling and find most of it is worse. I slowly make my way back to the car. In my rush to see kitty cats I consider just driving out to the freeway and trying my second option without going back to camp to change my note so Bob can find me if I don't come back to camp for some reason. Luckily good sense prevails and I head back to camp, calling it a night.

The next day (Thursday) I head out again, driving the 30 miles out of the Swell to the freeway. As I merge with traffic I feel myself shift gears inside to match the pace of the descendants of industrial age machines that have replaced solid earth as my companions. I drive several miles down the freeway and re-enter the Swell farther West. As I drive deeper into the desert I see no other vehicle tracks and no recent signs of human activity. Early I came upon a wash that was sketchy so I turned back and went the other way. This brought me into a pretty good wash that I was able to navigate fairly easily most of the way at a maximum speed of 20 mph (although I realized if there was a flash flood I was heading the wrong direction with no ability to turn around and would be in trouble). Along this wash I saw a dead cow and took it as a sign there were cats nearby. Although the cats would have eaten it and not left so much waste, I was on a mission to see them so interpreted unlikely things as signs. Shortly after the cow I encountered a side road that looked like a good shortcut. After .3 miles it suddenly turned into a washed out rutted path and I thought I was stuck. Fortunately Alexa (my car) and I have a good relationship so she pulled through for me even though I had gotten us into this mess. I made a cautious sketch turn to back out of that area and got back to the wash. Now I am on edge instead of just uneasy as I continue down the wash. Soon I gain elevation and get great views of the (La Sal?) mountains to the west and a canyon that looks like a likely cat hangout. At the highest point in the road I notice there is a nice turn around section and think "I should just turn around here and head back, it's late in the afternoon."

Instead, I head down into the next section. The road is steep with a cliff on one side. I have a strong presentimiento as I shift into 1st gear to descend. At the bottom of the road is the sign below. I am 70 miles from the nearest town, 13.3 miles from I-70, no cell service for many miles and no signs of other human life in the Swell for days - REMOTE! I think to myself, "this could be bad" as I head into slippery, slidy, get dug in and stuck sand. My car slides across the road and I know I need to turn around quickly before I get into deeper trouble. I find a spot that feels almost stable, do a quick turn and head back out of the wash. I am definitely freaked out now and remind myself of the basic sand and mud rule - keep going. I feeling pretty good about heading out and feel like I narrowly avoided a disaster.

My car starts to slide, I feel it jerk followed by an unnerving banging/bouncing sound/sensation. I panic and do the one thing I shouldn't do which is stop the car. I managed to get the front wheels dug in as deep as the underbelly.

After assessing the situation I get back in the car and try backing out turning the wheels and just spin in deeper.

So I start digging out sand and building a rock bridge. I'm glad I learned the skill I hope to never use again when Bob and I tried to feed his 4-wheel drive Subaru to the Black Dragon Wash 6-weeks or so before on that ill-fated scouting trip.

I think "this is Thursday night, help will come Saturday" - hopefully Bob can find my note and I took the roads I said I'd take so it will be easy for him to find me. Surveying my situation I realize I have 5 gallons of water in the trunk, glad I kept it there instead of taking it out at camp. Random food will sustain me and I can sleep in the car if needed. Looking around I see limited shade opportunities to escape the punishing sun in the heat of the day. I think about blowing my whistle for help, but since there had been no other signs of human activity or tracks on my ride in I felt like it would only add to my sense of desolation.

Situation assessed I drink some water, chew a little osha root (very helpful) and kept digging and gathering rocks for bridges. It was slow moving, but it was moving.

Encouraged to see progress, in the midst of digging I laughed to myself, "this is still better than work."

Warm sand feels soothing in my hands and along my arms. I have been dirty for days so didn't mind digging in, resting my belly on the warm floor to reach under the car. Rhythmic repeated motion became a meditation. After a few bridges I was able to re-use the rocks and extend each bridge farther.

I notice a harder packed area to the passenger side and think if I could get my wheel there I'll be set. After about 60-90 minutes, fortunately in the cooler part of the day, I finally build the last bridge. The car drives over it, onto the hard pack, up and out of the wash to a big Woot!

My heart pounds quickly with joy and relief, a happy high!

I did want to test my self-reliance and passed with flying colors even with the presentimiento as I was driving down into that canyon. I had less than half a tank of fuel and used that as the excuse to drive to Green River to feed Alexa and myself. It was time for a burger!

Echo Chamber

2010-07-30T10:26:00.000-07:00

Have you ever sat in a meeting where someone put their neck out, you agreed with what they said and told them after the meeting instead of at the time?

Enter the Echo Chamber. I was introduced to this fabulous concept through The Inspiring Women Summit. If you agree with someone say so in the group. If one voice of a different inclination is heard it will usually be ignored or ridiculed. If ONE OTHER VOICE agrees it could shift the awareness of the room. ONE OTHER VOICE. If you agree with someone who has the courage to be different, say so in the group.

An Echo Chamber is a hugely (r)evolutionary act of teaching and bringing people along as we evolve as a species. This is particularly important for those of us who are watching and birthing the dawn of a new era. It takes courage to look in the face of conventionally held beliefs and say out loud, "outdated" "there is more than you see" "new life is afoot". Those who can't see it don't see it, those of us that do can open this process in the Echo Chamber.

Spa Day in the Swell

2010-07-30T10:16:00.000-07:00

How do you create luxurious pampering in a harsh, remote environment? Spa day! Yes, it is possible even all alone, with limited resources, deep in the heart of the San Rafael Swell. I had flowing water, a rich creamy lotion (completely out of place with most of my other gear) and my resourcefulness.

During my time in the Swell I frequented the creek, mostly to ward of sunstroke. When the fiery imagery reminiscent of my heat hallucinations in Costa Rica arose in meditations I knew it was time to soothe fire with water. Usually I climbed into the knee deep creek fully clothed and submerged myself to keep the coolness alive on my skin longer.

After some rough nights and even rougher days I felt it was time for some pampering, hence Spa Day and laundry day. The reason for laundry day was in the interest of simplicity I packed two pairs of pants and three shirts plus fuzzy pants and a sweater for sleeping (and a pair of clean socks and underwear, no bras – yay, for each day). Clearly, everything was filthy. Beyond the requisite desert dust there were tea and food remains, the perma-stench from sweating profusely into the same clothes in the 100+ degree heat day after day, soot rubbing off my cooking pot, random small insects, and unrecognizable particulate matter from whatever floats in the muddy creek: icky (yet heavenly in its own way).

Spa day wasn’t the typical dip and run visit but a nice soak and scrub from head to toe. Despite the obvious dubious benefits of bathing in something called “Muddy Creek” I stripped down at ‘the beach’ and got in, enjoying squishing my toes through the mud while I encouraged my body to slide into the cool water, cringing at the shocking temperature difference. I found rocks to hold my clothes steady so they could wash in the current while I leisurely rolled myself around in the creek, enjoying the cool wash. A light cloud cover rolled in – water letting me know she had my back. I submerged myself completely several times and took my time enjoying all the sights, sounds and sensations along the creek. A beetle came chirping scared down the creek as he had fallen in and I splashed him to the shore. I noticed how nice it felt to help another creature along and contrasted the feeling with the earlier glee of killing a fly that had bitten me. Where along the compassion to self-defense continuum do creatures fall?

As I submerged myself I remembered my childhood baptism at the age of 8 where all parts of person including clothing had to be submerged. Because I had long ago traded in my family’s religion for seeking my truth I decided to repeat my own version of baptism “by the authority granted to me by myself and the San Rafael Swell” washing away the superfluous parts of years past into the cool desert stream. I felt clean, refreshed and renewed.

When I got out of my bath I massaged the ridiculously rich lotion into my skin, especially my feet which I then covered in socks to keep them from collecting even more insane amounts of dirt. I scrubbed my face with herbal wet-wipes and did some minor cuticle maintenance. All in all the best spa day I’ve had in a while. I spent the rest of the luxurious evening wandering wrapped in a light wrap enjoying the cool-ish air as the cloud cover remained until the bugs came out at dusk.

Slow Life Movement Manifesto

2010-07-27T18:21:00.000-07:00

You may have heard of the Slow Food Movement. which is part of a larger movement, the Slow Movement. To these movements I add my Slow Life Movement Manifesto:

In the speedy age of do more, have more, be more I Dare To:

1. Do less, be less efficient and enjoy what I do more
2. Eat less and make what I eat matter
3. Spend less, have less and appreciate it more
4. Work less and spend free hours doing something delightful
5. Drive less, take longer to get places and find pleasure along the way by walking or biking instead of driving to see the environment as I pass through
6. Connect slowly, talk to people in person instead of via technology
7. Read less to digest what I read
8. Watch grass (or other wonderful plants) grow
9. Push and pull less, allow and invite more
10. Be less to open to unfolding more

Transitioning Back to Society

2010-07-19T17:39:00.000-07:00

Today was my first day back at work after 5 1/2 weeks in meditation/adventure/personal land. All in all it was a gentle roll back into the rhythm of 'work at a desk' life. Full blooms of tangerine colored roses brought the pleasure of scent with the beautiful reminder of the richest colors of the desert into my space.

The afternoon included a nice walk by the Swaner Eco Center. I enjoyed the birds calling and the long grasses waving in the the slow wind, a reminder of listening to the approaching wind through the canyon in the Swell. Dry wind, the faint smell of desert, a small squirrel and a single yellow sweet clover brought me into the depths of feeling at home. I LOVE Summer.

Conversations were interesting and lively as always. Thanks to the indescribably wonderful people of Backcountry I didn't even have to rely on chocolate, my everlasting friend, to make it through the day!

Photolog - Highlights

2010-07-16T18:07:00.000-07:00

Wow, home already? I have spent a week re-integrating with society - rough. So far fuel and groceries felt disorienting, dizzy and I had to split ASAP. I've been hiding out at home with the cats putzing around. Getting out for some climbing and mountain biking to ease the transition. The Wasatch Mountains I call home aren't the Swell though they are another of nature's marvelous beauty and a 'helluva' lot better than fluorescent lights.

Notes on this photolog:

1) Starts with the preparation (aprox. 72 days) and the blue hair highlights and continues through the two weeks in the Swell (San Rafael Swell, southern Utah). There will most likely be some post-trip pictures included in the future. Since I did some drastic things with my hair thought it would be nice to show the transformation. Also interesting to note is how bright blue my eyes become through long periods in meditation. I included some photos of my time at retreat "setting the stage" where Nisaa buzzed my hair, traveling from New York and events of the few days at home between trips including a friend's wedding at Snowbird (where there was still snow on the ground in spots - trippy before heading out into 100+ degrees a few hours away).

2) I took most of the pictures. Exceptions: "no services for 100 miles" (challenging to make out what it says at that size) came from americansouthwest.net to show the remoteness of the area (didn't want to stop for the picture when I drove in); July 4th weekend Bob came down with water, veggies and to check on me. The final days he brought our buddy Jaime with his beautiful dog Lily to help him build a route, some pictures during these times are Bob's.

3) The first few days were brutal as you can see in the pictures, beastly hot with bugs worse than the heat (you'll see some pictures showing my grumpiness at their presence). Even Kate's fabulous Protection Spray couldn't keep the particularly fierce gnats and biting flies away. Bob tried three different bug sprays while he was there and still got eaten alive. The white/pink on my lips in some pictures is the only lip sunscreen I've ever found to work like a charm: Burt's Bees Sun & Snow (worth the funky look).

4) There are a few scenery pictures showing blessed storms brewing, dropping the temperature anywhere from 10-15 degrees (often it was 95 degrees in the shade and I spent a lot of time just waiting for the sun to set). The temperature range I recorded was from 115 degrees to 50 degrees. I saw two readings of 124 degrees and 144 degrees respectively though I don't trust those as my altimeter watch/thermometer was in the direct sun on a reflective surface (although 124 is not out of the realm of possibility). I am pretty sure it was colder than 50 degrees some nights, though I just curled deeper into my down sleeping bag instead of checking. There was a lot of variation in the nighttime temperature. Some nights I slept nearly naked, others even bundled up I was freezing. One night my toes were so cold I had to get in the car to warm up.

The next full photolog will be a more complete story showing some of my desert friends on the journey and the requisite Swell experience of fine to fucked in a matter of seconds. Stay tuned!

Water Blessings

2010-07-12T15:27:00.000-07:00

Our prayers for water were answered! There were a couple of great storms. Even with more thundering and rumbling than rain, the dense cloud cover brought the temperatures down to a manageable range.

Thank you everyone for the cool watery thoughts, prayers, blessings and support!

the journey so far

2010-06-27T09:42:00.000-07:00

Offering Acceptance to the Elements

2010-06-26T20:36:00.000-07:00

In "The Rock Warrior's Way" Arno Ilgner, who teaches rock climbers to manage fear, suggests accepting consequences as a crucial part of the process. His practical advice is to observe the climb, climber and consequence of a fall before moving. If you don't accept the consequence, don't climb; if you do accept the consequence climb fearlessly. By accepting consequence there is no need for fear.

In the spirit of a rock warrior it felt important to accept what I may face in the desert. Early in my approximately 72 days of preparation I accepted the possibility of death. I imagine death as the ultimate peace, the best sleep ever - forever, the deep Sufi state of Fanā - annihilation or complete passage into the cool dark silence of Truth. That one is easy, my deepest longing. To remind me to come home (part of the desert survival toolkit is the will to live) my Sufi Sister Gayla got me a pin to take into the desert on my sun hat "to remember I am loved" and my Backcountry playmate Ceci a beautiful collection of mystic poetry on solitude with the request to return from my thoughts to this world.

At the Summer Movement Monastery over the space of two days I reviewed other things I may face and offered my acceptance of them to the elements. During the first week we had a session to paint veils and work at our own pace. I wrote the reasons for my quest; my prayer for guidance, protection, space and truth; and my acceptance. As I wrote each item ranging from discomfort to tests of my commitment to personal growth, I sat with them until I accepted their possibly in body and heart. Injury was by far the hardest one. In May 2003 Aron Ralston had to amputate his arm to survive a boulder which fell on him while canyoneering in Southern Utah. Having to face a similar decision or life with a permanent handicap is infinitely more terrifying than death. To accept injury it finally came to, "I accept what I have to work with, even if that is how to I find freedom while feeling trapped."

Early in the retreat several of us visited the waterfall near the old Mansion we called home for two weeks. Beautiful prayers were offered by Anastasia for clean water to accompany my journey and for the water going to the oil spill in the Gulf. Later in the retreat during break time I returned to the stream farther down from the waterfall to offer my acceptance to the elements and invite them on my journey. My tender feet negotiated the sharp, slippery rocks. Even with gingerly steps I sometimes stumbled, catching myself before landing in a splash. I made my way upstream to stand in the center of the cool water which wrapped around my calves. I spoke to each of the elements as friends and knowing there will be an abundance of earth, sun and wind I re-iterated a special invitation to water. I read my desires and acceptance out loud, offering them from my soul. As I finished we heard fireworks in the distance and I laughed, "let the games begin."

A Seed is Planted, a Dream Unfolds

2010-05-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

A warm breath of tea floats through our conversations. A dozen or more dancers are gathered on the Persian rugs in Dunya's apartment for evening dinner during our intensive training. Warming soup and loving talk thaw New York City's chilled November air. I overhear Dunya's voice articulate a tradition. The Teacher invites a student to take apples, dates and walnuts for forty days into an apartment in the city for practice and study in seclusion. During this time there is no contact with the outside world, though watchers will stop by to leave a warm bowl of soup at the door or check that the student hasn't lost it. This special retreat is a time of deep learning and personal growth.

As an off-the-charts introvert living in a world crowded by extroverts, the idea instantly appeals to me. The gears in my head start turning, planning my own version. I consider retreating to my yoga room, sneaking out to the nearby bathroom only when other house inhabitants are gone or sleeping. I wonder about structure, respect of space and quiet. I know there will be unwanted noise and interruptions at home. The gears keep turning, the months roll by.

Can I take that much time off work? It would take about nine weeks. A nugget of Dunya's wisdom is the reintroduction of the object of fasting, taking half of the fasting time to re-enter a normal pace. Breaking a long food fast with a huge steak dinner, rich sauces and vats of wine 'might' be jarring to the system. A technology fast from silence to the speed of eCommerce could be dizzying. Returning from a fast is a practice in itself of conscious awareness, respect for the journey and practitioner. Forty days of silence and solitude, twenty days of inviting limited interactions to grow to a normal pace, sixty days - at least.

As I ponder, I hear the desert call to me, inviting me home. Extreme boredom and discontent become the standard at work. As added fuel, Kate's Moonday experiment transforms the drudgery of Monday and gives voice to my creative fire. I love the community of friends I have at work and feel at home. I love spending my days with down-to-earth, smart and active people. I have found priceless allies in life's journey. I know how precious and rare it is to find this combination en masse. On the other hand, few of my actual skills and talents are used. I am bored and no longer challenged. I could train my cat to do my job and project an avatar of me above his head. No one would know. I am not living my potential. I have a comfortable life that requires very little effort on my part. I have become complacent. Do I stay or do I go? My heart's stirring can't be ignored. I must go.

During an especially frustrating weekly meeting I decide to quit my job before my birthday and work at a floral shop surrounded by beauty, using my hands to contribute to beauty in this world. I find a florist who caters to corporate clients so I can make connections to bridge the worlds of Dancemeditation and commerce. I imagine great womanly chats of business strategy, life and men while clipping stems and arranging flowers, soft music in the background embracing us as we work. I am very excited but my time at Backcountry isn't over yet. I feel it in my flesh. I know there is still more for me on my journey here so I opt for an Unpaid Adventure Leave of Absence which is even more fun because my Backcountry friends get to be a part of the adventure as well. As I share my plans with people I am honored they understand the spiritual quest as much as the adventure. I am rich with insights, advice and support.

In site selection Kate suggests a dream pillow with our friend Artemisia and Lavender. Through a beautiful and clear message she guides me to the San Rafael Swell, a beautiful and magical desert in Utah that will be my home for a brief though essential moment in time. It is a few hour's drive from where I live in Salt Lake City; close enough for my boyfriend to stop in over the weekend to make sure I haven't died or lost my mind; far enough out of traveler's way I can find the solitude I seek.

Alone in the harsh desert for forty days/six weeks is an ambitious goal so I start with a test run of two weeks for a total adventure of five and a half weeks. I will set the stage at the Summer Movement Monastery for two weeks, followed by two weeks of soul-searching on sun baked earth and a week of re-integration.

I am deeply in the purification stage, a snake shedding her skin. Old photos, old letters, old music to the trash. New space in my life. Old beliefs, old limitations burned in the fire of transformation to stand with me in the Here/Now honoring my path.

I take two questions to the desert: 1) what is my place in this world? 2) how do I stay true to myself? As they percolate my experience I know that valuing myself must come before being true to myself, which is a precursor to taking my place in this world. Self-rejection comes up strong, a flavor of self-hatred only slipperier. In my child mind this seems the only way to survive. Here/Now it keeps me alive yet trapped in a world of my own making with which I'm not entirely thrilled. A ferocious transformational Goddess roars within me, the rebel breaking bonds, the Seeker searching for Truth and Pleasure in my Soul. Bring it!

Answering the Desert's Call

2010-05-10T17:49:00.000-07:00

The desert calls to me. She invites me into the wild womb of nature to Know myself, this world and my place in it. She asks me to come to my edge. In her harsh extremes she encourages me to explore mine. With her subtle beauty she implores me to nourish mine. I answer her call seeking solitude, insight and Truth. My heart opens to her warmth. It pleads for the sun's rays to permeate me, to burn away the veils, to open the door. My body yearns for the comforting embrace of the desert floor, to be held in the warmth of the earth mother, to know her love and to share mine.

I know that the work of retreat begins with the commitment to attend. In this retreat I feel particularly supported by both my Backcountry family and Sufi sisters. So far my primary allies include Van with his blessing and guidance on both physical and spiritual levels, Ceci with her resources for wilderness survival skills and insights, Bob with location scouting and gear selection, Kate with her herbal support for nourishment and guidance, the dogfunk van for their shared excitement and Ken's loan of "The Secret Knowledge of Water" to learn more about the essential resource in the desert, Brian with his help in clarifying goals and willingness to chop my locks for donation, my planning and buying teams for their enthusiasm and covering my duties while I am away. Another Sufi sister, Ann, will be at retreat in concert with me whirling with the Dervishes in Turkey. I am lucky to be so held in this process and pray this journey will be an inspiration to others who feel drawn in their own way.

Desert Dreams II: Talent Engagement

2010-05-03T11:39:00.000-07:00

In the aforementioned desert trek I thoroughly enjoyed my co-workers’ creativity. We bounced ideas off a wave shaped boulder by the fire. My favorite idea: a free range Subaru with a greenhouse option. I can’t think of anything much cooler than a nomadic garden which feeds my inner gypsy and nesting needs at the same time. I thought what a shame it was to have such creativity wasted. Why do these people spend their days packing boxes for customers? My wheels started turning on how we could capitalize on their talents, feverishly creating plans in my head. In a quiet pause I realized it was a choice based on lifestyle and values. I didn’t need to capitalize on this, just appreciate it and enjoy being a part of the moon dressed night.

As we become more in touch with our impact on the environment and the developing world and address broader issues than ‘did we make more money this year than last year?’ I feel like a lot of great talent will come out of the wings and engage in the process of a new economy. I sense that for a lot of brilliant people contributing to the system we have known just didn’t suit them; they were waiting for the world to catch up so that it was worth their efforts to be a part of something meaningful.

I know of two such people in my life – both smart, well-read, very grounded and caring. Both have been in just getting by mode without any interest in contributing to an exploitative economy. One is now pursuing an environmental engineering degree because she ‘can now make a difference’ and the other has environmental certifications and is reaching out to educate others on the technique and potential for a more humane world. I am sure there are many more stories like this.

We are moving from a highly rational-driven world to a more emotionally engaged world. I expect the quality and richness of life experience will be greatly enhanced as the individual and collective align in a symbiotic relationship more attuned to the earth and each other – and as the collective wakes up, more and more individuals who have been waiting on the sidelines for this to happen will join the wild ride.

Talent and Turnover

2010-04-28T14:16:00.001-07:00

In the spirit of Jeff Foxworthy’s “you might be a redneck…”

If a large number of employees leave your company in a recession to double their salary, you might have a problem.

If in a company meeting the suggestion “you need to pay your employees more” is posed, you might have a problem.

If you turn your talent faster than you turn your inventory, you might have a problem.

If an employee who has been at your company two years is considering ‘been here forever,’ you might have a problem.

If your employees are asking other employees to review their resumes, you might have a problem.

If every few months you have a mass exodus, you might have a problem.

…unless if for some reason churn is part of your strategy... in which case I would love to know the reasoning behind the strategy.

What is a reasonable rate of employee turnover in a recession? How about a stable economy? What is a reasonable salary increase in changing companies?

Desert Dreams: Purification

2010-04-27T15:55:00.000-07:00

This weekend I got first ascent on a route in Ibex and named it "Desert Dreams." I haven't been climbing much since last Fall and it felt great to get back on the rock, especially leading the same grade I was leading the end of last season. I love how quickly all unnecessary elements fade away while climbing. Even the trek to the desert strips life down to the essentials. At night walking around under a full sky of stars I recognized how clearly I am in the Purification stage of achieving clarity.

Purification is the white hot fire of transformation where everything that is not needed in this moment is burned away. Once "the dust settles" and the clouds are gone you can see clearly - what is before you, what is around you, what is in you and where to go. Our lives easily get cluttered with things and information. Taking some time unplugged is a good way to come back home. Often it takes more than unplugging, it takes a deep spring cleaning (or fall or winter whenever it happens) to clear out the junk.

The Art of Clarity in Leadership

2010-04-27T14:20:00.000-07:00

Work in progress - the stages of developing clarity:

Awareness
Inquiry
Acceptance
Purification
Stillness
Receptivity
Connection

Right Livelihood in Economic Design

2010-04-26T16:35:00.001-07:00

Right Livelihood is a Buddhist concept that takes the whole person into the equation of work. If you are not familiar with Findhorn, let this sustainability education workshop be your introduction. The organization in Scotland had a number of really interesting opportunities to learn about sustainable development. I love that it is inclusive.

This particular training includes:
Social Design (embracing diversity, creativity); Economic Design (right livelihood, sustainable global economy); Ecological Design (whole systems approach, appropriate technology); Worldview (transformation of consciousness, personal and planetary health).

As our world becomes increasingly complex this integrative perspective is needed more and more in the way we conduct business. Leaders have the opportunity to consider multiple impacts and outcomes in the flow of commerce. I look forward to visiting Findhorn in the near-ish future.

Think Globally, Act Locally: Micro at Work

2010-04-23T10:48:00.000-07:00

Composting is a great example of the waste = food concept from "Cradle to Cradle". The beauty of small scale composting is that is creates a full nutrient cycle for a micro-environment (yours). I hope we will start composting at Backcountry. GoLite is a great example of a leader in our industry doing this company wide. When I was working in food service I noticed the incredible amount of waste that would be amazing to have composted for community gardens, possibly even roof-top gardens downtown to cool buildings (natural insulation) and provide nutritious food for soup kitchens.

Have you heard of yard shares? Another great idea that is taking hold. Are you familiar with Wasatch Community Gardens? They could be a great resource for gardening, composting and micro-environments. When I drew up my garden plans this year I researched which plants are good bug repellents for others, which are good for cross-pollination and which should not cross-pollinate. With this information and sensitivity to light I set where everything will go. I am anxious to get seedlings in the ground and interested to see how it all works! Territory I haven't visited in a long time.

Studying passive solar homes is another good way to view micro-environments. Look at the natural features and observe sunlight, wind and water and work within this context to maximize energy flows. This of course reduced reliance on non-renewable sources of energy which is becoming crucial for our survival. It takes some time to return to environment sensitivity. We have spent centuries trying to adapt the earth to our needs rather than creating a symbiotic relationship. I am spending two weeks in the desert this summer in solitude to practice and learn about this relationship and will share what I learn.

Recycling is a tricky arena because of the energy used in the process - transportation to sites, sorting, processing, transportation again. It is better than nothing but should be seen as a stepping stone to more viable options rather than the best practice. Getting people in the habit is a good way to start building the awareness that can take us to the next level.

Slightly related, micro-finance which takes small investments from developed countries and builds local businesses in the developing world. It is close to the ground, grass-roots work that raises the standard of living across the planet. Here are a couple of previous micro-finance posts: 5 Revealing Sentences and Empower Profitably. Most micro-finance investments are in women owned businesses because of our community building and nurturing nature.

Sustainability as a Competitive Advantage

2010-04-22T12:51:00.000-07:00

Happy Earth Day!

To celebrate Earth Day the Green Team at Backcountry.com is rolling out employee energy saving incentives (CFL's and flow diverters) and a sustainable section to our company library. To roll out the library I am presenting "Cradle to Cradle: Remaking the Way We make Things". I love this book because it is at the leading edge of sustainable commerce. The authors, an architect and a chemist, look at bio-mimicry with technology and ask questions like, "what would our world look like if designed by a cherry tree?" The result is a building with beauty, abundance, increased employee retention and energy cost savings. They take the idea of triple bottom line and push it farther to triple top line to include Economy, Ecology and Equity in the initial idea and design back from how a healthy and prosperous design could look.

With the food chain cycle of life concept where the waste or decomposition of one organism is the nutrients for another they define waste = food. They argue that most recycling is really downcycling because of improper mixing of nutrients in a way that diminishes their usefulness. If the design of a product considers end of life a beginning of life for something else the biological and technical nutrients can be used in ways that enhance their utility rather than degrade it at the outset.

The authors frequently site energy savings, lower overall costs of production (even with costlier raw materials) as well as health for people and the planet as outcomes of the work they have done with clients. There is also a cradle-to-cradle certification for products and packaging that follow the waste = food principle in design. The book is an invitation to become native to our planet with commerce as the engine of change in the re-evolution.

Exciting times.

Earth Day: what can you do?

2010-04-22T12:50:00.000-07:00

Take a stand for your health and happiness
Vote with your $
Request beauty, pleasure, health and diversity in your products, home and workplace
Educate yourself
Plant something and watch it grow; compost
Don't drink the kool-aid, recognize imperialistic industrial revolution ideas for what they are and don't buy into them
Consider the end of life of the things you buy
Consider transportation and packaging as part of your purchase
As the bold and creative question, "What if...?"
RESPECT diversity, nature and people
Buy local
Ride a bike
Dare to dream
Take a risk
Be creative
Take a luxuriously indulgent breath each day for yourself, recognize that you are an integral part of a diverse ecosystem and act like it
Consider equity, ecology and economy, realize that every action you take has an impact on earth and your fellow human beings
Lead the way in sustainable commerce, use the triple top line as a competitive advantage

What's Missing in Your Leadership Style?

2010-03-23T14:49:00.000-07:00

Answers to a leadership survey "What is Missing Most in Leaders Today?" The down and dirty? Humanity. Recurring themes: empathy, humility, kindness, excellence, shared purpose with followers, listening, trustworthiness, consistency, ability to ignite the energy of a team, asking questions that matter, sincerity and respect. How many of these qualities did you learn in school (beyond kindergarten)? How many have you developed through life? Which do you need to develop now?

Re-humanizing the Workforce for Productivity

2010-03-15T15:43:00.000-07:00

A blog post on bringing the whole person back into a lean organization.

Inter-connectivity in (r)Evolution

2010-03-12T13:51:00.000-08:00

Nearly a year go I posted this musing on the nature of our times. How do we categorize the fundamental changes we are experiencing? We have moved from the industrial revolution to the information age to... ?

I dubbed our era the "time of awareness" which I now find an inadequate description. Awareness is one of the indications of our time, inter-connectivity (a gift from the information age) another, considerations of sustainability a third. Of course these all weave together.

In the business world we have remnants of the mechanized industrial age as underlying structures: hierarchy (which hails back to empire), machine-like output expectations (even of people), assembly lines, cubicles... The language of war influences the language and mind-set of business (another sign of empire's influence). Commerce operates on the network of the information age: computers, the internet, data, communication, "rational" decision-making and analysis. New times are afoot, but what are they?

Indications of change:
-Power to the people, which I have mentioned before - customers and employees are empowered with information and choice
-Sustainability considerations becoming more prevalent
-Understanding our impact on people and the planet
-Consideration outside ourselves, even in other parts of the world
-Servant leadership
-Movement from strategic management to principle based management
-Respect
-Business schools offering programs in sustainability and social entrepreneurship
-Overlapping circles of knowledge, multi-disciplinary cross-pollination
-Deeper understanding of our natural world
-Physicists and mystics agree

I have no answers only questions, as embedded in the question is the answer I wait for it to be revealed. On a book review saw "Age of Transcendence" mentioned as people are looking for more meaning.

Wrapping up 40 days

2010-03-08T19:48:00.000-08:00

The take-away: A lot more body awareness, connecting with my strength and feeling more comfortable in my skin. Learning to move my body in a new way, more subtle awareness of mechanics and motion and how to support the natural beauty in my body's design. Making connections both within myself and referring potential clients to people who have been influential in my process, most notably Dan Schmidt and Kate Temple-West. It can be scary to refer people, what if they don't like the referral? What if they have a bad experience and blame you? What if they think you are weird or something? On the other hand it can be very gratifying to share something with others, watch a change in someone's life and even more gratifying when it helps build an important business supporting amazing people doing incredible work. Worked through most of "The New Rules of Posture" practices - will be a lifelong journey of exploration and re-visiting. Time to lend the book to another friend who is interested in exploring fascia.

Intuition = Success

2010-03-08T19:40:00.000-08:00

My first executive leadership practice was a great success. I didn't know what would come of the session, I trust my Dancemeditation practice to bring evolution over time. My first introduction to the practice was a 10-day retreat, I have no experience with doing a 90-minute session for starters. Apparently the practice, combined with the space I created for conversation and my encouragement to discuss feelings opened up some great conversations that are already having an impact in the organization. A jubilant, Yes!

The weekend before teaching set the stage with a lot of deep work in the Diamond Approach weekend and a really beautiful deep personal practice Monday evening to set the stage for Tuesday evening's work. Over two years ago I started thinking along these lines and over time the idea has taken shape as I have become more clear - both with myself and my intention. One of the key contributors has been our amazingly in tune HR Director who helped push me out of my nest to invite members of the executive team to join. Again very grateful for their involvement and trust/respect in me as teacher during that time.

Inspiration from GoLite

2010-03-05T14:21:00.000-08:00

GoLite is leading sustainability initiatives in the outdoor industry. Check out their Sustainability Report and be inspired. Forward looking, honest and realistic.

Key points:
- people and the environment matter
- balancing growth with sustainability is not easy (but worth it)
- addressing resource shortage before it happens is a strategic advantage: mitigating future risk of reliance on petroleum not only is good for the environment, it is a good business practice to understanding the long-term survivability of the company
- often there is a disconnect between what we'd like to do and what we can do, start with decisions that have the most impact
- doing good is good for business

After reading the report I have been inspired to suggest composting to our Green Team. Read it, be inspired, take action!

Finding Strength - Days 28-34

2010-03-01T13:05:00.000-08:00

Working along the back from feet to head I realize how little awareness I have of the dorsal plane, other than a kinked neck. Even imagining breath into my back is a challenge. I notice the tell-tell bruises of my Structural Integration series appear along my legs and back and look for the opening. At one point near the end of Wednesday's session (or was it last week's?) Dan did some work with my neck which was unbelievably comforting, like being held as a baby. Since then I have noticed less tension in the neck. Apparently I use my back as a brake. My homework is to move from sitting to standing and moving by using my arms as levers.

The Diamond Approach weekend was intensely satisfying. I rode my bike on the last day in fabulous weather. As we were exploring pleasure with a tangerine hue I made my Red Velvet cake I've been perfecting over the last few months with some yellow for the Markabah color. Mmmm... When I got to work on Monday I found a beautiful scarf with a tangerine hue on my chair, a great gift. We explored the experience of pleasure and the blocks to experiencing pleasure. A theme that kept coming up for me was connecting to strength, particularly in supporting sensitivity and boundaries. Often my pathway to strength is through truly experiencing anger or shame as they transform. When I began this work six years ago I spent a lot of time working with these distortions and am back in the same throws. I realize the spiraling nature of this work which although it feels like no progress has been made the reality must be exploring a deeper layer of this issue on the spiral. Because I am small I often forget my physical strength, one of the gifts pointed out by our teacher in the process, a lot of physical strength to support the growing experience of internal support and guidance. Another insight was the cold shivering I often feel when upset - allow the body's natural response to shake off fear.

My two practices I am carrying with me from Mary Bond's book are breathing into the back and engaging the TA for core support.

It's not what happens, it's how you respond that determines success

2010-02-24T15:43:00.000-08:00

There have been a variety of responses to the environment in business (and politics). They can be grouped into 3 categories: fight, comply or innovate.

In the fight school are those who deny global warming and loudly denounce the liberal conspiracy/earth worshiping pagans who promote this silliness. They argue that environmental policies will only raise taxes and harm businesses and nothing good can come from them.

In the comply camp are those who comply with regulations and look for all the loopholes possible. Environmental issues fall into the expense column.

The innovators, instead of problems or challenges see Opportunities. Those who are leaders in green technology can not only change the world, they could also make fortunes doing so.

When faced with an issue framing the question can greatly influence the outcome: what is the problem? what is the challenge? what is the opportunity? Try it!

19 Degrees and Waiting... (Days 24-27)

2010-02-22T21:00:00.000-08:00

I want to ride my bike, Mr. Weather has a different plan. At 19 Degrees I drive to the vanpool in the morning with gloves and a thick coat.

This weekend's Structural Integration series included the psoas, not as painful as other sessions though just as effective. As I was leaving work today I noticed that I feel taller and maybe I am. Will have a mid-week Structural Integration session as I am attending a Diamond Approach workshop on the Markabah this weekend. No doubt it will be an enlightening weekend.

I have four executives signed up for our first practice in Subtlety in the Art of Leadership. I appreciate the trust they have to join me - finalizing space for next Tuesday, Yay!

Spent the evening reminiscing on my film days, realizing how crucial creative connection is to my happiness. Often creativity has to take a second place to minor things like survival. Occasionally I realize how my wildness frightens people. When I was working in film it was so free and fun, though an extremely hard way to make a living. Seeking balance between stability and freedom is not an easy task, but I'm up for the challenge.

Technology in the Social Sector

2010-02-19T15:27:00.000-08:00

Two interesting posts from the Stanford Social Innovation Review:

Open Source Altruism - the power of technology and the concept of micro-finance (this time the micro is increments in time) unite forces. One thing technology has done in our world is create greater connectivity, faster and cheaper access to information... it's nice to see some movement toward addressing some of the big social (and environmental issues) through technology.

Innovation Imperative - innovation seems to be one of the big buzz words everyone is throwing around without a lot of understanding. Mario Marino seems to have a good handle on innovation and her forces. I love the statement from the 2006 Israel trip where the understanding that innovation was essential lives in all realms of society. Addressing the motivation toward innovation and new mindset he talks about the move toward entrepreneurship - another interesting take.

Wiggle it! (Day 23 and 22a)

2010-02-18T09:05:00.000-08:00

Celebrated Ash Wednesday dancing at a friend's church (to Pink Floyd's Another Brick in the Wall). Late in the afternoon I felt achy and tired, unmotivated. As I got to the church and rehearsed I came alive and in performing fire shot through me into the late evening. I danced in rigidity and chaos - both out of my comfort zone of flowing - to express the trappings and freedom in the song. About a decade ago I recognized that my search for Truth had to be outside of church and made crazy sacrifices for it - everyone's journey is different the very awake minister found her search within the ministry and we arrived at... the same place... the strange and wonderful journey that is life.

Started my Spring bike commute this morning. Since I recently moved my getting in shape is grateful for the 2 miles of easy travel compared to my nearly 7 miles with hills for fantastic interval training, though once I get in shape I'm really going to miss that great morning workout. Maybe I'll ride the old route for good measure this weekend. I am infinitely happier while moving.

Today (Thursday) realized it is Year of the Tiger (since Sunday), no wonder I'm on fire, it's MY YEAR to shine. Exploring fascia in Mary Bond's book. I just might wiggle through my day today, feel all the lovely openings and freedom in letting my fascia slide.

Following Darkness, Light

2010-02-17T11:01:00.000-08:00

The sun is shining, the days are longer, the flat on my bike is fixed and thanks to my boyfriend I have and know how to use a patch kit. I rode the bike down the street last night to test the gears. Even the chill in the evening air felt good. I miss my nearly 7 mile one way (up hill in the snow both ways barefoot with snow leaches) hilly cardio-fest bike commute to my carpool and look forward to the Summer and Fall torture fest up Millcreek and down through the Canyons into Park City. It's a long commute to work though serenely beautiful and unbelievably rewarding. Bring it!

My challenge is to work through all of the exercises in Mary Bond's book in the next 20 days.

Day 21 & 22 - Breath and Orientation in movement. I notice more openness than the first time I worked through these explorations a few months ago. RemedyWave last night was deep and wonderful, 90 minutes felt like 12. My practice is taking on a different quality, more clarity along with the natural deepening. Confidence and trust are interweaving, craving radiance and movement.

If you can't beat them, join them

2010-02-15T14:01:00.000-08:00

In an earlier post I mentioned Measuring the Big Shift. As I had a chance to dig in here are the take-away highlights.

1) Learning is key as learning organizations have the ability to adapt to changes.

"The changes in the digital infrastructure are occurring at such a rapid rate that no longer can companies afford to flex their muscle with strategies of scalable efficiency. The real gains will come from harnessing the potential of scalable learning." A word of advice was to "invite creative problem solving from the entire workforce" - see Kaizen. How can you tell if you have a learning organization: "track employee adoption of new technologies, how well employees are sharing knowledge across organizational boundaries, and the extent to which their companies are part of an ecosystem that is creating new value for customers."

2) Related to #1, knowledge flows are crucial, capital follows.

"Companies need to find and create platforms that allow employees to access information and connect with others; harnessing the power of these knowledge flows will allow for long-term, increasing productivity gains."

3) People are people not resources!

"It becomes a strategic imperative for companies to rethink the way they look at their employees. Corporations are social institutions, which function best when committed human beings (not human "resources") collaborate in relationships based on trust and respect. Destroy this and the whole institution of business collapses." I would like to remind you, this is a study by Deloitte a pillar of capitalism - solid business advice not social advice (is there any real difference?).

From various sources I notice the eroding of the typical business structures, they are becoming flatter and more egalitarian as knowledge begins to create more equality in the world. Both talent and consumers have a wider range of options, and demands. Brand loyalty and employer loyalty have to be earned. The shift is toward "power to the people" - if you can't beat them, join them.

After the Bliss, the Agony - Riding the Wave (Days 13-20)

2010-02-15T13:59:00.000-08:00

A tumble of pains and emotions - the highlights got a great new mattress (latex memory foam) - look forward to molding with it. Structural Integration series - about mid-week I noticed my right shoulder blade align better from the work last Saturday, it was a subtle shift and a great joy. As I shared with Dan he mentioned the settling process can take half a year and I should expect many such delights. This Saturday we worked on inner legs support, extremely painful. Often when something won't release Dan will have me stretch and then let my eyes roll side to side to help dig in (less painfully). While I don't understand all of this yet I am aware of the depth of inter-connectivity and astounded. Here is a related post on Mary Bond's blog. I realize how protected the area we worked on is for me. I am still aware of some tightening in my right hip. Dan mentioned that what happens in the shoulders happens in the hips to this may be residue from the broken collar bone that will begin to right itself through the unwinding. Insightful session through the conversation on Zen and the Art of Archery, taking fabulous body practices to people in their language to meet their needs.

Slaying relationship demons. Evidence is a relief, yet I knew the truth and waited. Is my knowing any less true than evidence? As I look at my part - lack of communication. Steps are being considered that should have been taken a year ago. How would this be different if I pushed these steps a year ago? What is the trade-off? If trust is eroded in one area can it exist in another? A dear friend believes so, he loves me and would never let anything bad happen to me. We need the deepest layers of trust - rock climbing and AcroYoga - an unprotected fall without a good belay could mean life or death.

Grateful for a nice Sunday teaching (would have enjoyed more than 3 hours sleep - neighbor's party even after moved indoors at my request was loud until 2am and I had to be up at 5am), snowboarding in some more cool new spots, nice dinner at home and an early bedtime.

The Blissful Body Weekend

2010-02-07T20:41:00.000-08:00

Thursday, Day 9 - Our Diamond Approach inquiry was the contours of the body. My sensation internally alone, visually in a mirror and internally in groups found a broad and barely related spectrum - I disappear in groups, no wonder I don't like them!

Friday, Day 10 - Felt the right side of my body compressed. Looking forward to Saturday's Structural Integration session to work some of that out. Found that I was able to enjoy a going away gathering for my boss (who will be greatly missed) - in a group setting I was able to stay present, yay inquiry!

Saturday, Day 11 - Structural Integration session 3. Elongating the side bodies, breath, openness especially around the collar bone on the right side. My homework includes walking with a pillow on my head, finding that plumb line, then turning and moving with the pillow, keeping the plumb line in motion. As I was practicing my boyfriend walked into the room and shook his head (he has come to expect such things from me). My response, "yes, I recognize I have a pillow on my head." The other section of homework is to interlace my fingers with hands facing the earth and rotate the hands forward and back and loosely as possible to let both collar bones work together. In the evening enjoyed a deep practice, found the relaxation I was seeking and noticed a reddish/maroon color I often see to the left outside my head in front of my body is becoming a deep purple with a white light breaking through the center. Reminds me of the Leonard Cohen lyric, "there's a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in." I refer to this often to flow with challenges.

I must be allergic to organic celery root. As I climbed into bed my hands and feet itched. At first it felt like the uncomfortable tingling sensation when a limb that is asleep starts to wake up. I was excited, hoping that Dan released some held fascia that would let my circulation in the extremities flow more freely and my fingers and toes would finally be warm. No such luck (though I'm still not ruling it out). The itching was so strong I had to get out of bed and lotion/oil/dance to relieve it. Soon my hands were red and I noticed it had spread to my face, neck and legs. For dinner I had prepared organic celery root (from our CSA, an adventure in food I would not otherwise know) for the first time with tomatoes and sage. After a few hours I was finally able to rest. In the morning my skin was back to normal color - whew.

Sunday, Day 12 - Snowboarding at Snowbird. Explored some fun new terrain with my boyfriend. Enjoyed garlic burgers and attended a going away party for one of my favorite yoga teachers with talk about intentional living communities (introduced to Findhorn where I would love to take a sabbatical), solar/human powered bikes and retreat. Ending the day with a gentle Dancemeditation practice with thoughts of bringing together my more mystically minded friends for Mystical Dance in the park with some AcroYoga.

Aaah, the Blissful Body how I love thee.

Moving Through

2010-02-03T15:17:00.000-08:00

Saturday, Day 4 was my second in the Structural Integration series - foundation, feet, legs, hips. My hips naturally curved back which we corrected. I feel the right side returning to some of the holding pattern (something deeper hidden there) and some static in my neck. Will be curious to watch how it unfolds.

Sunday, Day 5 - early morning class at Snowbird after hearing the neighbors chat until the wee hours. Difficult to teach sleep deprived though it changes the dynamic to be slower and possibly deeper. Yay afternoon naps. Sleep is my friend and companion in health - physical and emotional. Lack of sleep ads difficult challenges to my practice. Sunday evening brought to light a particularly painful awareness in my relationship, one I've known for a long time, just without evidence. Communication channels open - choices for growth. How do I balance compassion with him and his struggle with attention to my needs and compassion for my journey. After cultivating so much body awareness I wanted it all to stop so I could function without feeling as I did for so many years. Instead I feel because it is all I can do, and learn to transmute and explore.

Monday, Day 6 - prompted by a dinner discussion with friends Saturday experimented with Binaural Beats. From the descriptions I was curious with how they relate to Sufi states. My experience is that they are quite similar, a deep meditation, a quick way in. Resting on the floor I was aware of my skeleton. I sensed cords unwrapping from my right side through the rib cage and around the shoulder, moving into the hips. Most of the cords melted out, some still weigh in the right hip. I sense tension in the quad to stabilize. Often in deep meditative states the meat of my body melts away and a fluid internal world opens. This may be one of the first times the skeleton has been in such sharp awareness. Because of my explorations with anatomy? Because of the healing needed?

Tuesday, Day 7 - Dance! Remedy Wave with Shannon Simonelli - a much needed opportunity to move, explore and tear. My familiar movement is spiraling - hips start and arms flow outward following. Interwoven was my take-away word, sensing my spiral of development opening and embracing. Feeling the growth from years of work to face issues with fresh perspective and strength.

Wednesday, Day 8 - the day started by meeting with an inspiring group of visionary entrepreneurs and a renewed commitment to my personal practice.

As goes the foundation, so goes the building

2010-01-29T19:48:00.000-08:00

An engineering maxim from Mary Bond's book - leading to exploration of the feet, my interface with the earth. Through the first exploration I learn that I carry more weight on my right side (not a surprise). My heels carry more than the balls of my feet. On the left side I feel more supported and balanced. The arch feels solid and effortless with more of the weight on the outside of the foot. My right foot rolls slightly inward with more weight to the inside of the foot. This of course has reverberations up through the leg, into the hip and probably compounds the tension in my shoulders.

Does the compression come from a collapsing of the foot or is it in response to something funky going on in the hip, a kick-boxing injury perhaps, which has included the support all the way down to the foot in the re-adjustment?

In motion the left heel connects with the ground centered, the right connects on the outside and rolls inward with each step. I am aware of the potential for the observer (myself) to influence the movement. As I walk with awareness how much shifts from my normal walk? Aware of the arches of both feet as I walk, the right feels more collapsed and more weight rests on the inside of the ball of the right foot. My toes are rarely actively engaged in pushing off, though I feel a lot more power when I use them. Though not part of Mary's exploration to satisfy my curiosity I tried walking in shoes to notice the toe engagement. Certainly a more difficult sensation to find. I see the wisdom in the Vibram Five Fingers footwear.

Day 2

2010-01-28T21:06:00.000-08:00

Craving some inward time, maybe decades of it. Feel tightness through the neck and shoulders, today through the front of the shoulders which is unusual. Carpal tunnel and tendinitis screaming at me - hopefully it's last long cry into the air before it dies out forever. Kate's Aaah... Oil calls to me. Thankful for friends and community.

Feel the resistance to stretching my wings... and then the buoyant support encouraging the growth. Patience grasshopper, trust.

I enjoy the quality of my in breath more when I let it flow - exhale fully and decidedly and relax to let the inhale happen. Probably my lesson today to translate to life.

When Life Interupts the Breath

2010-01-27T19:19:00.000-08:00

While teaching I remind my students to bring their awareness back to the breath. It is a great reminder for myself, bring it back. My 40 days of Anatomical Explorations were derailed by life (the Outdoor Retailer show, a house full of very fun guests and a snow night spent on the yoga room floor at Snowbird) so I'm bringing it back. I've decided to start the 40 days over since I am enjoying the exploration so much. My sense is that a lifetime of this exploration is possible. As I have embarked on this physical/mystical journey I guess that's what I have signed up for.

Tonight, Day 1 - breath. Inhale pattern and exhale pattern yoga poses with very gifted and developed yoga teacher Scott Moore. On the inhale our bodies expand and open, on the exhale they contract and create stabilization. Backbends are inhale pattern poses and Forwardbends are exhale pattern poses. I also want to apply this to climbing, inhaling reaching, exhaling pulling. Looking forward to exploring the extension of the legs in this breath cycle in coordination with the other movement. With the idea of Yin/Yang in mind in each extension back there is a slight tucking of the tailbone so within the heart of the openness is support. This reminds my of my physical therapists suggestion that for more flexibility I must have the strength and stability to hold the stretch.

When Scott lead us through camel pose the front of my neck felt tight. He recommended tucking my chin to the chest which made my head feel very light without the neck tension. My low back hurts occasionally in backbends and my quads hold tightness. As I create a slight contraction bringing the top of the pubic bone to the ribs this helps the low back. I am sure the quad tightness is somehow related though I haven't unlocked that key yet. Another mantra I am going to adopt for my neck/shoulders is to roll the shoulders up back and down while sitting at a desk.

Enjoying the Gifts

2010-01-19T11:48:00.000-08:00

Yesterday and today brought snow and sunshine to the Salt Lake City/Park City area. We have had what seems like forever a dark icky inversion which makes my eyes twitch. I always find it easier to love life when the sun is shining. The air is clear, the inversion moved out and we have fresh powder in the mountains and sunshine in the valleys. My breath is open and free, a lot of the creaks I typically have along my back have dispersed and the odd remnants of an old collar bone break are negligible. I am amazed out how much good breath opens up my interior space and allows freedom - freedom of movement, expression and heartfelt smiles. As the days are getting longer I feel myself emerge from hibernation, checking out this curious world to see how I'll engage her. I feel stronger in the sunshine. I want to do pull-ups again and plan climbing trips.

From my Structural Integration work this weekend I am amazed as things open a little more each day. Today was the first day I notice the collar bone feeling normal again for the first time in many years. My right shoulder blade still feels like the bottom edge is slightly lifted away from the body and all the nerves wrapping through the shoulder feel that they can move more freely. Ah, Beauty.

Days 9-14 The Spine and Breath

2010-01-18T09:01:00.000-08:00

One of my simple pleasures at the end of the day is to bend my knees as if I were sitting on a chair and fold forward from the hips, letting my head pull toward the earth on one end with my tailbone on the other. My spine releases like a string of pearls, I feel the lengthening happening through the thoracic spine primarily and then my head becomes heavy and all my overworked neck muscles breathe a huge sigh of grateful relief. By the direction of the release through the thoracic spine I suspect it is the erector spinae relaxing though there's a lot going on back there so I'm not sure.

I started my Structural Integration series this weekend with a practitioner Dan Schmidt who in addition to Structural Integration also does Feldenkrais, Cranial and Somatic work - yummy embodied stuff. We started by finding ways for me to breathe better, yay! My homework included four practices that are also part of my Dancemeditation work so some deeper explorations will come into play. These are all practices that allow my legs to help my breathing (a foreign concept from the outside - how do legs help breathing? see the ankle bone's connected to the knee bone - it all works together). With each of these practices the more 'lazily' they are done the better as this lets the outer layer of muscles release and engage the deeper layer of muscles for support. 1) on stomach with knees bent so feet reach toward the ceiling letting my legs fall side to side; 2 & 3) on each side with legs at 90 degrees gently rock the legs on top of one another, 4) on back with knees bent feet on the floor rock the knees side to side. I have also added a piece of the Dancemeditation rocking series, on my back pressing the feet into the floor and rocking, releases all the way up into the skull.

When I did my first pass with Mary Bond's book I had some difficulty feeling the breath in my back, now I feel the gentle opening all the way around. I notice there is still a heavy weight on my heart that the breath must circle as it enters. Possibly there is still too much pain protected in the area to allow the soothing breath in yet. An ongoing process.

I sense some deep fundamental shifts happening - it is exciting and frightening. Each opening takes some time to adjust. Over the last week I felt elated, sad, like I was losing my mind, grounded, disoriented... sometimes all within the same day. I keep coming back to breath, practice and inquiry - my trifecta of awareness.

Trends in Talent

2010-01-11T19:45:00.000-08:00

The most recent Creative Class blog post reports that career opportunities, work/life balance and innovation place higher in consideration for job seekers than pay. This post supports a recent Outdoor Industry Women's Coalition survey which indicated that most women in the industry want more challenge from their work.

I know that some employers have adopted the "you're lucky to have a job" stance during the recession. As employment picks up many of the employees who worked through the nitty gritty cleaning up inventory positions, being creative in cutting costs and generating profits and developing innovating solutions to the economy will take their creativity to more rewarding and higher paying jobs unless you as an employer reward your employees with opportunities, flexibility and the endorsement of their creativity. May take a little time to implement, the reward will be well worth it.

Days 5-8 Weight Shifting

2010-01-11T19:43:00.000-08:00

The last few days have been practices in weight shifting. I find that the easiest weight shift is from sitting to standing, moving weight over my feet and using the strength of my legs to push off from that point rather that my usual of somehow hurling my body forward usually thrusting with my aching neck. Resting to sitting is more difficult to remember. My physical therapist taught me to pull up one leg and then let the whole body rock forward. I have tried to get out of a bath, a bean bag and really bad slouching posture on the sofa this way. My neck thanks us for the effort. Over a few days of practice my neck pain has reduced significantly.

I also learned some warming, waking pranayama (inhaling through the right nostril only). Now I need to learn some warming relaxing pranayama which I can use for bedtime. Other areas in the body that request my focus, mid back and right elbow (a little in the right wrist). My friend, co-worker and climbing partner Cecilia mentioned that if the push/pull balance is off it will be felt in the elbow, time to switch up the push-ups and balance them with pull-ups, arg (my physical therapist also prescribed bicep curls).

The Connection - Structure

2010-01-07T12:09:00.000-08:00

When I started documenting the process of exploring the body I knew there was a connection to business, I just wasn't sure what it would be. I now realize the connection is structure, the relationship between form and function. The body is designed for movement - walking, reaching, sitting and twisting on land in relationship with gravity. There are some things we cannot do without additional technology such as fly or breathe underwater. Our innate structures contain both possibility and limitation. The same is true of business structure. There was a time where building large heavily structured organizations was useful. The establishment of railways and utilities needed this type of structure to grow and benefit society. Times have changed. Referencing The Big Shift article mentioned previously Information Technology has been adopted faster than either of the other two networks and has created more fundamental change.

As things change quickly flexibility is needed to adapt to the change. We are living in a world that is evolving with increasing speed and complexity and adaptation is crucial for survival. A fundamental shift businesses must consider is the concept of "power to the people". For decades businesses could create a product, create demand and cash in with out regard to the health effects for customers or the planet. Those days are gone. In an increasingly mobile world with more options both customers and talent have more say in purchases and employment. More and more people are starting their own businesses because companies cannot provide them what they need - flexibility, life-style and the opportunity to do something meaningful. A simple paycheck is not enough to keep people coming to work, they need to be engaged (and if you can create this engagement as an employer everyone wins). Sustainability is also becoming a bigger factor in business. Graduate Business Degrees offer sustainability options, Social Entrepreneurship has evolved beyond just a concept to an offered degree, people are considering more and more our interconnectedness and making career and purchasing decisions to support the benefit of all. The old school days of profits for profits sake are dying away. The new mode of business is following the triple bottom line: economics, environment and society. To prosper as a business all three must be considered.

The tricky aspect to the triple bottom line approach is that you won't get it from the traditional business media, at least not yet. Forbes magazine somehow showed up on my doorstep, quite a surprise since I didn't order it - a gift to read another viewpoint. I am surprised that for such a reputable magazine it is behind the trend, still supporting business as usual instead of adapting to the emerging trends. This is probably in response to customer base - leaders at the top of organizations quite separated from what's happening on the ground level. The downfall of the ivory tower... can easily be avoided by ensuring the structure of your organization is appropriate to perform the functions your business needs to be profitable.

Day 3 - The ankle bone's connected to the knee bone

2010-01-06T22:10:00.000-08:00

When I was in elementary school we sang the song "The ankle bone's connected to the knee bone". Today I experienced the heel bone connected to the head bone. In the last post I mentioned the pain I experience along my right side. Another sources of tension is my neck, also primarily from spending long hours at the computer. After reading a Yoga Journal article on proper posture in a squatting position (Malasana or Garland Pose) to allow each part of the body to express itself equally, I tried pressing my heels into the floor while sitting at my desk. I discovered that with my body weight properly positioned and my heels pressed into the floor my entire body felt more supported, releasing some of the habitual tension I hold in my neck. Who would have thought?

Day 2 - Breath

2010-01-05T22:11:00.000-08:00

I realize a big part of holding my breath is cold, I have been chilled since October... every bit of me shivers. Today I wore a beanie, snow boots and a scarf and was still cold all day. Muscles especially along my back tense in response to the cold. I wonder how my breathing will release in the Spring. Summer and Fall are better seasons for me. I should move south or maybe into an oven or fireplace as The Cremation of Sam McGee. Integrating warming pranayama would be a good winter practice!

Off Topic - Day 1 Anatomy Structure and Movement

2010-01-05T09:50:00.000-08:00

I don't know yet how this relates to the business of this blog, to be discovered. My focus for the next 40 days is Anatomy Structure and Movement supporting my Dancemeditation study and I will share some of the explorations here. My primary reference sources are Mary Bond's book The New Rules of Posture and Anatomy and Asana by Susi Hately Aldous.

Day 1 (yesterday) - large joints. Our largest joints are the shoulders and hips, they are designed to do most of the work while the smaller joints (knees, ankles, wrists, elbows...) are designed for smaller tasks. The right side of my body is often unhappy that I sit at a desk working on a computer most of the day. Carpal tunnel and tendinitis in my right wrist and elbow remind me to take breaks, adjust my workspace and learn about body mechanics. Workspace adjustments seem to perpetually evolve, balancing comfort with getting the job done. When I misuse the smaller joints (repetitive movement with the wrist and elbow out of alignment) instead of letting the larger joints work properly I am reminded to notice my posture, breathe and readjust. Physical therapy has released tension in the forearm, however the tightness originates from a tight neck and right shoulder still settling from a broken collar bone years ago. My massage therapist has been helpful in getting things flowing from the origin so the other work will be effective. In the kitchen last night I noticed myself again using the right wrist and elbow to stir and with pain switched hands and also tried to use the shoulder more. A subtle adjustment, the awareness seemed to help though I'm still not sure I've found it. I rolled around on my foam roller for a while later in the evening, releasing along the thoracic spine and into the neck while enjoying the fiery beauty of my sunflower calendar. I wonder how the sunflower's "neck" keeps from tiring while holding the heavy flower tilted forward? In the hips, when I walk pressing out from my toes I notice that my hips swivel and move more freely letting the rest of the body flow in the movement. How can I find this in the shoulders and neck?

Since my last training intensive in November I have been more aware of my breath. Various insights have come from this practice, the primary one is my habitual pattern of bracing. When I watch my breath it usually flows gently massaging and opening me to space and opportunities in each moment. In standard operating mode my jaw is held and the area in front of my heart is static, the muscles in my legs and along my back are tight and guarded. The entire system is ready for the next bad thing, hyper vigilant of the environment in anticipation. In my past this was probably an appropriate response, today it just unproductive chronic tension. When my jaw is tight I tend to hold the hips tight as well which means the legs have little opportunity for movement, the spine is restricted and my shoulders tense. You can imagine how it affects the rest of the joints. Breathe... it's good all around.

Focus = Results

2009-12-18T16:00:00.001-08:00

In sustainability allocation meetings where I work the CEO frequently states that we must have focus in order to have an impact. I feel this wisdom applies across the board: to achieve anything we must dedicate focused resources. Incentives help focus employees efforts to achieve objectives. Promotions direct customer behavior to impact the bottom-line. Knowing what you want to achieve, in simple terms, is the best first step to getting there; focusing incentives is the next.

As mentioned in my previous post, I recently read “Radical Evolution” which discusses the relationship we humans have with our technology. We have developed extraordinary technology that would have boggled the minds of us looking forward from a few decades ago. The author, Joel Garreau, mentions GRIN (genetic, robotic, information and nano) technologies that have re-shaped us and our world. We are reaching a crucial point where our technology may be smarter than us (I delegate most of my work to software programs every day to support my decisions on the amount of inventory to carry because programs can do the background calculations more effectively than I can) which would drastically alter the human/technology relationship. He proposes various scenarios including technology enhancing our lives so much we basically live forever and never have to work since technology does that for us to the opposite when technology out smarts us and eliminates us as we are no longer necessary. There is also a Prevail option where technology enhances our ability to come together as humans and a Transcend scenario where we surprise ourselves as a species and make incredible leaps in enhancing our humanity.

I believe the Transcend Scenario is the best possible outcome – and believe it is possible. I am involved with some interesting groups who are deeply committed to evolving to find greater health, wisdom and happiness through inquiry, movement and nutrition (yes, all natural – weird for these times, I know). There are some inspiring 80-yr olds in a couple of the groups! Healthier people make healthier decisions – this is good for humanity and the planet.

In the shift study also mentioned below I believe we will see more emphasis on empowerment (de-centralized teams, servant leadership, products that are actually good for people and the environment). As Al Gore mentions in order for companies to survive in the long-term they will have to be sustainable – environmentally and socially. If we dedicate as many resources to developing humanity as we do to developing technology we can expect the same exponential growth in the humanity of our race.

How? Focus and incentives (good place to start).

Practice: I enjoy 40-day practices where for a full 40 days I focus time every day to something I am developing. My current practice is simplification – donating clothes, throwing away paperwork, deleting emails and dedicating time to simple things. This is a freeing way to find space and clarity. By eliminating what I don’t need I have more time for what I truly want. The dark cold days of winter are a good time for this cleaning out and introspection. What is it that you want in the world? How can you create the incentives to use the power of your organization to achieve this?

The Big Shift

2009-12-16T15:25:00.000-08:00

An interesting bit of work going on looking into the long-term shift in the business climate: Measuring the Big Shift.

Other recommended reading: Radical Evolution, The Post-American World and The Great Turning.

Inspiration

2009-11-19T12:57:00.000-08:00

Two sources of inspiration to live a new way in this world:

Waves in the Dust Blog
A couple who quit their jobs and moved into a van then onto a sailboat. From their blog: We’re striving to live a life free from the current social-economic constraints that most people let rule their lives. We’re just two people living day by day, but we hope we can start a ripple and show others that there are other ways to approach life. They may not necessarily seem better, or even possible for everyone, but surely are different from the grind most find themselves trapped in.

Yoga Slackers
A small band of people interested in exploring the limits of human potential in many ways, including human powered transportation and rock climbing, slacklining and AcroYoga.

Still trying to figure it out after 5000 years...

2009-11-19T12:48:00.000-08:00

The arrival of Yoga in the United States article mentioned in a previous post:

A few years ago one of my yoga teachers explained the meaning of the word Prana, a Sanskrit term roughly meaning universal energy and vitality. He said, “There isn’t a direct translation in English; if there were it would be sold for $30 a bottle and you wouldn’t need Yoga.” Ironically, there is a PrAna clothing company and yoga practitioners in the United States spend close to $6 Billion a year (2008 Yoga Journal Study) on mats, props, clothing and education for a practice that requires nothing but willingness and guidance… oh and those really cute expensive pants.

The commercialization of yoga in the United States follows an interesting tale of cultural interaction beginning in the Indus Valley (now Pakistan) around 5000 years ago where yoga is believed to have originated. The art of living in balance and equanimity was perfected, practiced and later recorded. These principles persisted until British rule in India provided an avenue for teachings to travel west. Some of the ruling elite took Yogic ideas to Europe in the 1800’s where they came into contact with the New England Transcendentalists (Emerson and Thoreau) who planted the seeds in the United States. After British rule many of India’s well respected teachers traveled outside their country in the late 1940’s and 1950’s and published materials in English, including Yogananda’s classic work Autobiography of a Yogi, and later B.K.S. Iyengar’s Light on Yoga. 1960’s counter-culture rebellion introduced guru worship and meditation as avenues as powerful as mind altering drugs to free your mind, buck the establishment and access creative powers (most notably the Beatle’s Maharishi). A shift in awareness of the physical benefits of yoga postures has spawned huge growth as a respected fitness discipline. Referrals from the medical community to treat a variety of conditions now provide the greatest area of growth in the industry.

Be Present

2009-10-30T15:13:00.000-07:00

In many traditions, “be present” is a basic teaching. This is excellent advice; although much like “trust your feet” in rock climbing the phrase doesn’t tell you much.

I started rock climbing in the spring of 2008. On a particularly slippery sandstone climb in the San Rafael swell my partner encouraged me to trust my feet. I imagined that this meant my foot holds were solid enough that I didn’t need to worry about them as I moved up. My feet didn’t feel solid. I thought the reason I felt unstable was that I was new to climbing and as I developed a better awareness of route quality with practice the holds would feel stable. I had to rely on my partner’s tight belay to finish the climb because every time I weighted my feet I slid. This summer on an all girls multi-pitch route I finally learned that “trust your feet” doesn’t mean you have solid holds, it means that you engage energetically and will your feet to stick to a surface (typically one with questionable merit) as you climb. Now when I trust my feet I rely on balance and leverage to move forward on shaky holds rather than weighting my feet and falling.

I sense the instruction “be present” contains the same type of confusion. A physicist friend very interested in mystical experience contemplated, “the difficulty of hearing about mystical experience is you get an interpretation removed from the actual experience”. Living life out of sync with presence is living in this interpretation. Have you ever exited a plane and to the flight attendant’s, “thank for flying with us, come again” replied, “you too.” This conditioned response is embarrassingly inappropriate and where we typically live.
In peak experiences presence happens naturally. Some techniques that encourage presence in everyday life are deep breathing, sensing the body, awareness of the physical (sights, sounds, sensations), full engagement in an activity - to think, feel and act in harmony. The more subtle expression of presence (the trust your feet version), contains the Truth of the moment. As we go through life we are socialized and learn from experiences. Some socialization serves us in the moment, most does not. Elements of conditioning include habitual reactions, addictions, living through projections and object relations. A lot of the therapeutic process is to identify these patterns. The transformative process takes it a step further to use these patterns as powerful transformative material.

As our world becomes more complex humans become more sophisticated and more aware of the subtle energies at play. This places a greater responsibility on leaders to be continually present. If you can “be present” or “be in the moment” as you move through life there is greater vitality found in the immediacy of experience. If you lead from presence you are more in touch with the people you lead and more aware of leading in the most effective direction. The instinctual guidance rather than critical distractions play out. Blind trust in “the system” has been eroded through a number of avenues including the financial crisis. Old school command and control leadership is evolving into servant leadership which requires significant presence.

If you would like to practice presence you are invited to attend my Dancemeditation workshop next month at Snowbird’s Cliff Spa. We will work on immersion in the physical experience as well as unraveling some habitual conditioning. November 21st from 1-4pm.

The Mysterious Human Species

2009-10-26T17:39:00.000-07:00

I recently wrote an article about yoga in the United States. As I researched I wondered how we live in the world we do if people in the Indus Valley perfected the art of living in peace and equanimity around 5000 years ago. Granted, there was no internet 5000 years ago so it took a while for these ideas to filter into culture. However, if humans as a species have known a better way for so long, why do we continue this destructive path?

Perhaps John Perkin’s Corporatocracy (Confessions of an Economic Hitman) and David Korten’s Imperialism (The Great Turning) are correct in that the systems we have in place for governance enrich the few at the expense of the many (financially and otherwise) and until we change the systems we are trapped. However, aren’t systems designed by people? I also think of the book Collapse and the idea of leadership (religious or political) elected and paid well to protect us from the unknown. Maybe our addictive and compulsive nature as a species takes a very long time to overcome (I know eating too much chocolate will give me a stomach ache and I still enjoy brownies for breakfast sometimes). It is ‘easier’ to do it this way. It could be that in the same way we go through developmental stages as individuals we as a species are still early in our development.

I am sure this is a topic I will revisit often – the more I look the more questions I find to ask.

What does health care cost you?

2009-10-12T22:54:00.001-07:00

In the health care debate I often hear people say, “the United States has the best Health Care System on the planet, period.” I beg to differ. Americans are fat, stressed out and over medicated. Is this the really the outcome of good health care? No. It is the outcome of a system with a vested interest in sickness and disease. Pharmaceutical companies rely on lifetime customers for profitability. Hospitals rely on beds filled to cover costs. Doctors rely on patient fees to keep their doors open. Where is the incentive for wellness in this formula?

To understand this issue in more depth I need access to the following research (and would love any leads to help me get this data with comparative data for other developed countries as well as developing countries):
1) Medical innovation over the last decade and country of origin
2) Rates of obesity
3) Reliance on medication – both for physical and mental/emotional conditions
4) Rates of heart disease
5) Cancer
6) Violent crimes
7) Percentage of the population imprisoned
8) Rates of severe mental illness
9) Rates of short-term medication for mental/emotional issues
10) Rates of alcoholism and drug addiction (including cigarettes) – would love to see this across income levels
11) Use of holistic or alternative forms of medicine

One of the arguments for the United States’ strong Health Care system is medical innovation. Because of the high cost of health care in the United States we support medical innovation and give the financial incentive to invest in new technologies. This makes a viable medical innovation system. It does not create a strong health care system. I also disagree that financial incentive is the best incentive for innovation. High salaries may attract the best talent; or they may attract greedy people willing to cut corners as we’ve seen in the recent banking and housing collapses. Innovation is a product of creativity – a process of creation. Curiosity, exploration and desire to create are stronger motivations to innovate with skill and integrity than the possibility of a fat pay check.

Last year I had a yearly medical exam and the doctor I was seeing ran blood work. She diagnosed me with a severe condition and prescribed medication. I filled the prescription and began the process. When I went in for my follow I asked if this was a temporary solution to stabilize so I could continue without the medication soon. She said I would need to take the medication every day for the rest of my life and we were just finding the right dosage. I believe in being actively engaged in my health and immediately said NO! I am a very young, healthy individual and am not going to take a pill every day for the rest of my life. I had read all the literature she gave me and researched as much as I could through the resources available to me. I explained that I was going to stop taking the medication, supplement my diet with needed nutrients and come back for more blood work. Results of the subsequent blood results were normal and next time I’m seeing a different doctor, one more interested in my health than writing a prescription and sending me out the door.

I have seen too many commercials for Restless Leg Syndrome medication. A doctor I know has had a lot more patients with this condition since the commercials have aired. Movement and massage are the recommended cure. But if you are too lazy – there’s always a pill (that may turn you green, cause dizziness and fainting, headaches or ulcers). You are welcome, from the best health care system on the planet!

Why Are You Doing This?

2009-09-10T14:33:00.000-07:00

I remember an old tale of a young girl watching her mother prepare a Christmas ham. The mother chopped both ends off the ham, placed the ham in a pan and then both in the oven. The young girl asked, “Mommy, why did you cut those pieces off the ham?” The mother replied, “I learned how to cook from my mother who always did it this way.” That evening when grandma and grandpa came to visit the young girl asked, “Grandma, why do you cut the ends off the ham before you cook it?” The grandmother told her, “I don’t do it anymore; I used to have a small oven that couldn’t fit the whole ham so I had to cut the ends off to make it fit.”

How many of our current behaviors are similarly based on old limitations? Business processes, like many other activities, have inertia. Most innovations are not complete reinventions rather minor adjustments made by someone with awareness which results in a big win. Awareness of self, situations and potential is a crucial aspect to developing as a more effective leader.

Challenge: become more aware of your actions by asking yourself “why am I doing this?” or “why am I doing this in this way?”
If you want to take it deeper sit with the question and ask yourself the same question repeatedly (write it out for about 10 minutes) to find deeper motivations, new awareness and possibly new potential.

to relate harmoniously

2009-09-03T10:03:00.000-07:00

Resonance (Merriam-Webster) is the intensification and enriching of a musical tone by supplementary vibration.

If you are a sports fan you know resonance. You have been caught up with excitement in the final moments of a close game when the entire crowd is pounding in the stands. The frenzy is inescapable. It builds on momentum and carries you to the end. If you participate in group chant you know to listen and vocalize and vibrate, and listen to vocalize and vibrate, until all becomes one. The collection of voices envelopes you in something bigger- you melt and merge and grow through the group in a way you could not do alone. If you are part of a community you know the reverberations of resonance that enhance your life by participation.

Humans are social. As a species we rely on each other for survival, development and pleasure. We build communities, develop relationships and have families. As a species we have forgotten what it is like to be dinner and our survival takes on new dimensions. Social enmeshment and status are more crucial for us than for other creatures in nature who rely on strength and speed. The communities in which we participate are important sources of strength and inspiration. Ideally a community will enhance each individual experience while contributing to the whole. For many of us, the companies we work for have replaced religion as the center of community. Often the relationship between company and employee is one of dissonance rather than resonance. Resonance amplifies. Dissonance diminishes – all parties.

To find more resonance we must learn to stand on common ground and reach for similar goals. When we relate harmoniously our diversity of opinions, background and ideas can contribute interest and complexity to situations, enriching all. A recent study by Leisure Trends found that one of the primary discontent women in the Outdoor Industry have with their jobs is the lack of challenge. In a recession this seems like a win-win. Find the talented people in your organization and empower them to figure out the best way to navigate murky waters. You’ll increase job satisfaction with no out-of-pocket costs and chances are the financial benefits will be long-lasting.

Homework: look for the common ground in your relationships (professional or personal) and find opportunities for resonance.

Retreat

2009-09-01T10:41:00.000-07:00

2 weeks at retreat = 2 months of unwinding and personal reorganization, whew!

Empowering Profitabily

2009-05-13T18:17:00.000-07:00

In the last week two models for “empowering profitably” have been shared with me by friends aware of my passion for this approach to development.

The first comes from a lecture by C.K. Prahalad regarding eradicating poverty through global commerce. Here is a link to the lecture. My favorite quote from the article is in a section comparing globalization to gravity – it is here to stay and must be a consideration, not to end it but how to deal with it. “My focus, however, is not on whether globalization is good or bad. I prefer not to defy gravity but to understand it well enough to build airplanes.” The speaker shares a hopeful outlook of “democratizing commerce” – a radical concept very much needed for our times. He looks at opportunities in the developing world from both perspectives of consumers providing revenue for global firms and producers developing goods and increasing their livelihoods to grow the base of the economic pyramid (see Generation Investment Management for a more in-depth discussion on the economic pyramid).

The second is entrepreneur Lisa Piñeiro, founder of Technical Services Inc. in Durham, NC who founded her firm in the construction industry to improve the conditions for employees. I read an article about her in the latest National Association of Women Business Owners (NAWBO) newsletter. Her firm also provides training and opportunities for underserved women in the male-dominated construction industry. The main benefit of her approach has been a low turn-over in an industry known for exceptionally high-turnover. I hope to interview her to get more insights into her success. Stay tuned on this one…

5 Revealing Sentences

2009-05-05T15:55:00.000-07:00

Years ago an intense student of human behavior taught me how to know the main issue in a person’s life from their first five introductory sentences. This weekend I had an experience that reminded me of the power of this skill. I met a stranger on a train and within minutes knew his struggle, its cause and his love and fears. A homeless vet, drunk, going to visit his mother: he wanted me to know that he wasn’t a bad person, just poor, and had I had his life I would also be drunk. His blue-green eyes watered some as he hoped his mother would see him.

As he exited the train I considered causes of poverty. I believe that poverty (and all social ills) continue because someone profits from them, at least in the short-term. It may sound harsh but consider this: defense contractors, arms dealers and generals got rich; lives of soldiers were sacrificed and homeless vets roam the streets of our cities, haunted. Take this to drug trafficking, human trafficking and violent crime. Some profit, some suffer – and society at large suffers. Muhammad Yunus, founder of the Grameen Bank and pioneer in micro-lending understands that “Poverty is not created by the poor. It is created by the structures of society and the policies pursued by society.” (Kiva.com site from his book “Banker to the Poor”)

Recently a passionate woman, Miriam, contacted me for expertise to help a community of women (Grupo de las Mujeres Chiquirichapenses) in a small town in Guatemala develop self-sufficiency through their craft. She is a Peace Corps volunteer interested in developing a sustainable program for these women and found me through my social venture the Ixchel Foundation (interestingly enough the name Ixchel comes from that area in South America). I introduced her to the concept of micro-finance (although I’m surprised the Peace Corps isn’t connected with micro-lending organizations as it seems like an obvious connection). We discussed the sustainability of the program and the need for basic education: reading, writing, simple math and business basics.

I understand much of the success of micro-lending has been attributed to training that accompanies loans given primarily to women entrepreneurs. Nobel Prize winner in Economics, Joseph E. Stiglitz in his book “Globalization and It’s Discontents” states “development encompasses not just resources and capital but a transformation of society” (p 242). He continues that the transformation needed includes acceptance of change, scientific thinking and willingness to accept risk. Sometimes I believe the catalyst for change is also just an awareness of what it is possible.

CONSIDER: How do your business practices contribute to poverty in the world? Do you pay sub-standard wages? Are you in an industry that is detrimental to humanity? Does any part of your business allow abuses that traumatize people beyond their ability to function within society?

How do your business practices contribute to eliminate poverty from the world? Do you have social programs that empower groups of society? Are your products empowering to humanity? Do you assist developing countries in a sustainable way?

Homework: Find one simple change you can make that shifts the balance of your business to increase global prosperity (bonus: it will also increase your company’s long run profitability).

Empower!

2009-04-16T16:37:00.000-07:00

Following are some successful models for empowerment:

Micro-finance: organizations that include Kiva and MicroPlace. One of the reasons I love micro-finance is that is reverses the differential of exchanges rates to empower developing communities rather than exploit them (sweatshops). The idea behind micro-finance is a small amount of currency from a developed country goes a long way in a developing country. Organizations pool micro-investments (sometimes as little as $25) from the developed world to make loans with low interest rates to small businesses in the developing world. They also provide training to ensure the funds are repaid. MicroPlace, through its association with eBay, also gives artisans access to a global market. Win-win-win.

WiiFit: a video game that gets you off the couch eating potato chips and into physical competition for better health. The game has fun exercises you play which develop balance, flexibility, strength and aerobic capacity. Fitness tips are also offered throughout the course of activities. WiiFit still doesn’t replace running around in good old-fashioned sun-shine, but it’s a close second.

Servant Leadership: empowerment is the trend. One of the ideas of both Fusion Leadership and Servant Leadership is that leadership isn’t what you do it is who you are and how you bring out the best in people by bringing the best of yourself. In challenging economic times talent recruitment and retention by the standard of high salaries isn’t feasible. When you can’t offer more money find a way to offer more meaningful work. Ideally you can offer work itself that has value to the employee beyond a paycheck. If you can’t go to that extent, create an environment that empowers them to do their best. In Transcultural Management: How to Unlock Global Resources the author Albert Koopman discusses increasing profitability by increasing sales and reducing absenteeism and theft by understanding his employee’s interests and getting them involved in the outcomes. If employees are invested they are less likely to go to your competitors or start their own business that will compete with you.

Social Commerce

2009-04-16T08:28:00.000-07:00

Link to a comment on my friend Brad's blog: Twitter and Social Commerce.

The Story of Stuff

2009-04-15T16:38:00.001-07:00

If all this talk of exploitation as a business model seems confusing, check out the Story of Stuff. It is informative, well done and entertaining. The creator of the work talks about the social and environmental impact of commercialism in simple, straight-forward terms… and what’s not to love about stick figures?

A Time of Awareness

2009-04-14T17:19:00.000-07:00

Back to the (r)evolution… the Industrial Revolution changed culture in a dramatic way by altering the mechanics of our world. Developments in technology opened a new array of options in transportation and manufacturing which facilitated the flow of both people and goods. Naturally, this changed socioeconomic structure and opportunity. The flow of information brought about by the technological advances of the Information Age fundamentally altered our communications, opened up new commerce opportunities and expanded our ability to understand the world through data. I believe we are in the midst of a third major shift with equally important considerations. I have wrestled with how to describe what this means. Is it the Age of Connection as we understand the impact we have on the rest of the ecosystem? Or the Age of Humanity (which leaves out environmental considerations)? Could it be a Time of Synchronicity as we acknowledge our deeper connections and their interplay? I read reference to the Conceptual Age which falls under the umbrella of the Information Age and doesn’t really fit as a separate era. The best I can come up with is a Time of Awareness. I would love feedback if anyone has great ideas. This awareness includes our impact on the ecosystem, the interrelated connections of our decisions and their impact and the certainty that we cannot continue to deplete our natural resources and exploit our human resources if we are going to survive.

I believe that the shift we are seeing is a flow of resources to more compassionate ends and an investment in human technology. While the shift has been developing in the background for many years, the recent crises herald her coming of age. Our Time of Awareness will fundamentally change the choices consumers make and the way we do business. Financial profits at the cost of humanity and the environment will no longer be counted a success. It is an opportunity to re-invent our companies, ourselves and the principles that drive our businesses.

I love Einstein’s quote: “We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.” It is applicable to today’s environment. In business the thinking used to create these problems is what I refer to as the “exploitation model” which is structured from a mechanized world. We see the impact of this model play out in the world, both environmentally and socially… and knowing is half the battle.

CONSIDER: In what ways are your business practices exploitative and in what ways are they empowering? This may be hard to do at first because of the underlying beliefs that created the exploitation model. Perhaps a few revisions could be helpful.