to all the men who have loved me

I am sorry.
I am sorry for the walls, and the holes in them.
I am sorry I am so surgical in cutting you out when you cross the line. I am sorry you will never get back in.
I am sorry that I am confusing. That I am mellow, chill and let everything go until you hit one of the few points that really gets to me and the fire rages beyond control.
I am sorry I used your support to leave you.
I am sorry I don’t want to have a family with you.
I am sorry I hold back.
I am sorry I intimidate you.
I am sorry for all my pain.
I am sorry I played dumb.
I am sorry I let you get away with so much shit.
I am sorry that my path with always come before you.
I am sorry you can never really have me.
I am sorry I need so much sex.
I am sorry I didn’t communicate more.
I am sorry I wasn’t honest with you about what I liked and didn’t.
I am sorry I love the way I do.
I am sorry that I didn’t love myself enough to not marry you and the hurt it caused.
I am sorry that I am both so wild and so innocent and that I need both polarities loved equally.
I am sorry I set you on a path you may not be able to handle.
I am sorry for scare-ing you.
I am sorry for scaring you.
I am sorry for the wreckage.
There was a time in my life when I was absolutely insane. I am sorry if you came into my life during that time.
I am sorry I didn’t appreciate you.
I am sorry I didn’t stay around for the poetry and music I inspired.
I am sorry I let you go.
I am sorry I never asked for what I really wanted.
I am sorry I never asked you to be a better man to be with me.
I am sorry that I gave myself so fully to you and now you can’t have me.
I am sorry.