Working along the back from feet to head I realize how little awareness I have of the dorsal plane, other than a kinked neck. Even imagining breath into my back is a challenge. I notice the tell-tell bruises of my Structural Integration series appear along my legs and back and look for the opening. At one point near the end of Wednesday's session (or was it last week's?) Dan did some work with my neck which was unbelievably comforting, like being held as a baby. Since then I have noticed less tension in the neck. Apparently I use my back as a brake. My homework is to move from sitting to standing and moving by using my arms as levers.
The Diamond Approach weekend was intensely satisfying. I rode my bike on the last day in fabulous weather. As we were exploring pleasure with a tangerine hue I made my Red Velvet cake I've been perfecting over the last few months with some yellow for the Markabah color. Mmmm... When I got to work on Monday I found a beautiful scarf with a tangerine hue on my chair, a great gift. We explored the experience of pleasure and the blocks to experiencing pleasure. A theme that kept coming up for me was connecting to strength, particularly in supporting sensitivity and boundaries. Often my pathway to strength is through truly experiencing anger or shame as they transform. When I began this work six years ago I spent a lot of time working with these distortions and am back in the same throws. I realize the spiraling nature of this work which although it feels like no progress has been made the reality must be exploring a deeper layer of this issue on the spiral. Because I am small I often forget my physical strength, one of the gifts pointed out by our teacher in the process, a lot of physical strength to support the growing experience of internal support and guidance. Another insight was the cold shivering I often feel when upset - allow the body's natural response to shake off fear.
My two practices I am carrying with me from Mary Bond's book are breathing into the back and engaging the TA for core support.
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